welcome to 2009 and the new whysper layout. and the only day i've generally posted every year (only misses: 2000 because i didn't start whysper until june, and 2007...not sure what happened then). saxy and i had a wonderful evening, for the most part. the only bumps were during the fireworks, both literal and figurative. during the literal fireworks, our dog freaked. she does every year, and we would tranq her during both the 4th of july and new year's eve if we could afford it, but we can't. during the figurative fireworks, rogue came up on the bed to check on me...climbing up on my shoulder and mrowing. like roro, she's not much into yelling and climbs up and meows when it happens, but there was no yelling involved, so her intrusion was both a surprise and amusing. at least saxy was a good sport about it. ;)
i had planned to pretty much rest and take it easy today, but i've had message and emails coming in since late last night with things for me to do. i finally got out of bed (after watching the tournament of roses parade), took a shower, and now, here i am. kids were home a bit earlier, but taz watched the parade with us and froggy had other things to do, so it was a quiet enough morning for us anyway. they apparently had a good time last night, though taz wanted to come home by about 8 or 9. they ended up not seeing the actual peach drop because baby cat started having issues with the noise and cold around 10. despite the problems, though, they all apparently had fun, and taz went to sleep fairly quickly once they got in to the hotel.
so, all in all, a good news year's eve for everyone.
not so good on the new year's day for saxy, but we'll just leave that alone. it was a good morning, and hopefully it'll get better again this afternoon.
which now leaves 2009. i've posted my goals for the year, and the plan is to take this year and make it ours somehow. i know there are things that i can't control -- whether the job goes belly up, for example -- but there are things i can control, and that's where i intend to take hold. i let a lot of habits go last year, for good reason, but they'll still need to be reclaimed. mostly writing habits that have gone soft between illness and schedule craziness, but there are other things that need to be put back into place as well. and there are a few new habits that need to be developed, not just for myself, but for the kids and the household in general.
i know they say the recession will get worse before it gets better, but beyond that, i am going to do whatever i can to make this a better year for us. i want us on our own feet, not relying on kitten's friends to bail us out of tough spots. i want my first novel finished. i want a home i can be proud of, instead of one that i'm honestly embarrassed about when people come over. all of these things will take time, but they are part of my claim for the new year too. it's hard for me to be determined about this after being beaten down for so long, but i need to be. and i need to do everything i can to make it all a better year for us. i'm sure not everything will come through, but i need to celebrate the victories and move on from the failures.
saxy and i have already discussed the tax return, assuming we get one (since the construction thing, taxes freak me out; thank god this is the last year of the 1099). if we don't have to use all of it to finally catch up on utilities, we're going to start taking care of "the list" -- the big things we need to take care of for the house and ourselves: washer & dryer, a real vacuum cleaner, a carpet cleaner, electric lawn mower, a dining table with chairs, mattresses for saxy and i and froggy, clothing needs, and whatever else is a "big ticket item" that needs a big, unclaimed check for. not that the tax return will take care of ALL of that, but it should take care of some. between now and then, i'll do what i can on the bills and work on little things. kitten has already claimed the bathrooms, and she and fitts picked up quite a few things for them this week. between us two determined women, the house should be in fairly good shape by the end of the year.
i want to add "i hope" to the end of that, but i'm not going to. like i said, it's hard for me to be determined, but i need to be, or i will already be defeated. when i was abused, i had to scratch my way back to myself, my own confidence, who i was. i'll probably need to do that now. since i've done it once already, i know i can do it again. it takes time and changing how you think. it's not easy, but it can, and it will, be done.
i'm claiming this year to make it a better year. i'm claiming this year to reach some of the goals saxy and i have had for some time. i'm claiming this year for us. i'm claiming this year for me.
~*~
word of the moment: presentiment
a feeling that something will or is about to happen : premonition
