11 years ago today, in a simple courthouse ceremony, saxy and i said "i do". eleven years. honestly, early in the marriage, i never expected to make it this far. i loved him to death, but there were...problems. control issues. and our relationship was passionate and volatile. and our love almost didn't save us in that first three years.
i'm glad that it did.
now days, the ups and downs aren't so frequent or so extreme -- and most are in things other than our relationship. the passion is still there, but it's quieter in a way. not a bored quiet, but a content quiet, a quiet created by understanding one another. a we know each other well now and are happy quiet. his passion for me amazes me sometimes. i've gained a lot of weight and a lot of health problems, especially recently, and he still wants me. i think only a heavy woman like myself, with problems that interfere with every day life, can understand how much that means to me.
no, i shouldn't be wrapped up in image, and i am very grateful he isn't. we've changed each other a lot over the years, in ways big and small, maybe this is another thing he can help me move beyond.
we spoiled ourselves a bit more than we should have today. once our guest left, we took the two younger kids and went to brunch. saxy makes our dinner, and i thought he should be treated rather than having him make our breakfast too. okay, yea, i suppose i could have made it, but i am not the cook he is. i'm kind of a depressing cook in comparison, actually, with the possible exceptions of my holiday dinners. after brunch, we went to target to pick up a few things. we were originally going to each pick out one music cd as the anniversary present, but it didn't quite work out that way. we ended up picking up the first season of burn notice and eureka...and then saxy saw that birds of prey is out on dvd. well, we certainly couldn't leave that behind! so, yea, while the first two were on sale, birds was not and we ended up spending far more than we should have.
then again, next year (starting tomorrow!) we have to reduce cd/dvd purchases anyway, so might as well get them in while we can?
okay, still makes us bad. but i suspect we won't be ordering a movie tonight. more than likely, we'll be watching birds while we eat.
in about 2 hours, kitten and fitts will pick up the youngsters for their night out. the day is nice, and the night promises to be as well. i've given as many warnings as i can about taz and how he might react to a crowd the size that they will encounter down there. the kids are pretty much ready to go. it'll be a bit crowded at the hotel, but apparently fitts doesn't mind giving us the night for our anniversary. taz really is the only one of them i'm at all worried about, and i think kitten will keep an eye on him. she's always been responsible that way.
so far it has been a good day. i expect it to be a very nice evening. dinner will be tenderloin, crab legs, baked potato, salad, and anniversary cake. kitten picked up the legs and cake for us. we'll snuggle on the bed and eat and watch dvd's and...well, see where the evening takes us from there. and it will be quiet. just us. content with each other, wrapped up in each other, connected in ways i have never been connected to anyone.
11 years. 11 years of ups and downs and craziness and quietness and moving across the u.s. in 5 days with 3 kids, 2 cats, and a dog all in one car. okay, so we only did that once, but in some ways it does exemplify how things have gone in our relationship: starting at point a, reaching for point b, and dragging everyone along with us, sometimes in not so comfortable quarters. but we've made it, we're stronger as a couple and a family, and life may not be everything we want it to be, but it is our life.
here's looking forward to 11 more with a companion who is as much a part of me as my own heart.
word of the moment: fraught
causing or characterized by emotional distress or tension, uneasy; laden, well supplied or provided; full of or accompanied by something specified