it has been freaking COLD the past week. this probably wouldn't bother me much, seeing as i work at home, except the house has no freaking insulation. yes, my gas bill climbs through the roof almost every winter, but this winter is the coldest yet. not hitting records yet, but it's down there with the worst of them according to the news. what's sad is that there would be snow if it were raining, but, because of the drought, it's too dry. no winter wonderland for us. just freezing temperatures and ice on the pavement.
the way this house is built, i can at least keep the kids warm at night with the heat on. it's costly, but they're okay. the heater is usually going in the morning when i get up to get them ready for school. for saxy and i, however, it doesn't work that way. the house is a split level, with the kids' bedrooms upstairs, a sort of mid-level area for the kitchen and the dining area (which i use as an office), and the living room area that doubles as the hub's and my bedroom is downstairs. that downstairs area gets pretty cold towards late afternoon and stays cold until around midmorning. as much as i hate the general uselessness of the back yard, the one thing it does have is plenty of trees and deadfall, and saxy has taken to using it to make a fire almost every night. it helps a little--the fire can't stay lit all night and the heat seeps out the walls and through the cracks in the windows, but it does help a little.
the biggest problem with all this? the money we're going to start having to sink into the gas bill. and it's made worse by the fact that saxy isn't working right now. the housing bubble combined with the holidays and the winter cold means that his boss is having problems finding jobs. the boss having trouble finding jobs means the husband has little to no work at the moment. no income means we'll have to rely on the money from my "retirement" fund--money that was going to get us a car so we could give the truck back to my brother (especially since the truck is still unregistered despite the fact that saxy worked to pay for it--apparently mcat is broke again). getting the car and giving the truck back is another financial gain for us since mcat is, again, charging us $200/month on a vehicle we don't, and never will, own. and the gas on it is outrageous. i mean, REALLY outrageous. we're talking a minimum $300/month. that means at least $400 being taken out of what little we have that can go elsewhere, like to the heating bill.
saxy is taking some of that retirement money and picking up the other piece of equipment he needs to make himself a viable freelance carpenter--an air compressor. then he's going to get a paper and start hunting for extra work. full time, part time, permanent, long term, short term, whatever he can find to keep us afloat. and we know the boss will give him a good recommendation--he's always said that every job site needs a saxy. saxy's willing to do what needs to be done, he does what he's asked without asking a bunch of questions or objections. he may not always be in the thick of the work, but he does help get the work done.
i'm already looking on craigslist for him, he'll bring a paper home, and, somehow between the two of us, he'll find at least something temporary, something to cover the time between now and when the next job that his current boss has slated starts. hopefully the pay will be as good, but any pay is better than no pay. maybe this is why i'm not freaking out about being in this position again. this time around, he's more worried about the money and future than i am--which is very odd. but we have some money to help take care of us for the time being (it may be meant for the rent and the car, but you do what you have to do to survive, yes?), he has the skills and, as soon as he picks up the compressor, the equipment, he's even got the insurance (thanks to his dad). really, he can find a decent paying job. and saxy will look for work, and keep looking for work until he finds something. it always works out that way for us. we'll never get rich, we always struggle, but, somehow, we always make it. this is what counts.
for now, that will have to do.
it won't get at all warm today, and he's bundled up and ready to go. he'll pick up the compressor, get a paper, and come home. i'll hand him what i've printed off the craigslist, try to feed him something warm, then he'll start hunting. it's all we can do.
word of the moment: fortitude
strength of mind that enables one to endure adversity with courage.