i really don't know what it is with us. when i put in for my resignation, everything looked pretty good for saxy. he was working 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, and could have worked on weekends if he wanted. now there's...nothing. and my retirement from subbing is complete--the paperwork is all through, i'm off the lists, and we have the money. almost all of that was supposed to go to a car to reduce our vehicle expenses and get us out of mcat's "debt". now all we can do is make a major payment and hope to god something comes through for him before we end up in real trouble. rent's paid for january and we have food, but the utilities are coming in and disconnect notices hit pretty fast out here. we still have the child support and taz's ssi, but that's barely enough to pay the rent, much less do anything else.
yes, i'm whining again, but i am so very tired of this. things start looking up and the next thing you know, they're crashing again. we'd love to pay off some of our old bills, get in the clear, set up a savings. fuck getting a house, just let us get stable, with savings. it's tiresome to keep coming back to this same place.
like i said yesterday, i'm sure something will work out one way or another. saxy can be quite charming when he wants or needs to be. he'll find something, even if it's some part time driving job or something. and he'll keep looking until he finds better or until things clear out for his "boss". in the meantime, all we can do is what we've been doing.
i'm still editing/working for lilley, it's just going to be at least a few months before any actual money comes through, and it may be even longer before i see anything. it's a risk to stay there, but one that i think will pay off. and at home, online work is about all i can do when saxy is working--the hours just don't jive the way they need to for both of us to work. we've made all the right decisions, we're doing all the right things, it's just doing everything right hardly seems to do more than just barely keep us afloat most of the time.
i know the current concerns are just the luck of our timing, which always seems to be bad. maybe one day it'll be good, just not today, apparently.
i'm not holding my breath on it ever changing. :P
word of the moment: fortitude
strength of mind that enables one to endure adversity with courage.