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wednesday, february 23, 2011

i honestly think about posting here at whysper more than once a week, i've just got other things going on, and most of the time, there's nothing interesting to say. i don't live a life that lends itself to much more than: got up, stretched, ate, did dishes, did online stuff, did some writing stuff, made dinner, watched tv, stretched again, read, went to bed. seriously, that's pretty much my life. every now and then, i try a new recipe. but without a car, not a whole heck of a lot of money, and, honestly, no real local friends (amazing what happens when you no longer see the few people you did know: none of the teachers i worked with have kept in touch except for one lady on facebook), there's not a whole lot you can do to change your routine. don't get me wrong, i don't mind it: i get to write, i take care of my family in the best way i can, and it does keep me busy doing what i want to do while taking care of my family. i don't find it boring, but it's not really conducive to updates here at whysper.

this friday will hopefully be a little bit different. the hope is that our tax return will show up when it's supposed to (friday a.m.) and won't be shorted any money (we'd like to see additional money, but not holding my breath on that, so just not getting shorted because i made some mistake and claimed something i wasn't supposed to would be nice). if it does, we have plans to spend time looking for a car. a very cheap car. like $2100 at the most. this is not a huge deal—we only need the car to last until next year when we'd hopefully qualify for a bigger return—but there's an obvious concern that such a low amount will land us some tank that's horrible on gas mileage and might make it only a couple of months. cars at that price are out there, they're just older and have a ton of miles on them. it'll be a challenge to find something that meets our basic needs (school, work, grocery shopping, and not much more than that) without being a nightmare when it comes to gas and that will make it for at least a year.

and if we had a little extra money on the return? well, not sure it would be able to go to the car. we absolutely MUST get a vacuum cleaner right now. the house hasn't been vacuumed in over a month and it's a real challenge for me to breathe in here. not vacuuming when you're allergic to dust? not a good idea. plus i have to replace my glasses. the ones i have are over a decade old, and have gotten so bad, i can't read very well with them any more. those two things right there will cost between $500 and $600. and the plan is to do the glasses regardless, but the vacuum? just going to have to see. plus saxy had a couple of other things not related to the car that he wanted to do. i doubt we'll get any extra on the return, so just my glasses are a challenge to cover.

my other challenge right now is easter. easter candy has so many of my favorite treats, but i just do not have the control to have them in the house.

i can hear people snorting over that already. i know my ex-mother-in-law did. she didn't believe people could have problems with specific foods, or could have cravings, or were night owls or whatever except by choice. but here's the thing: those of us who aren't diagnosed with adhd until we're adults often self-medicated before the diagnoses. for a lot of adults, they turn to alcohol or drugs. me? i turned to sugar. the good thing: not as big a problem as alcohol or drugs. the bad thing: for my body, sugar is an addiction. it acts like a drug. when i get sweets in the house, it's my crack. i can't seem to find the control i need to be able to have it as a treat and space it out. my only answer right now is to not have it in the house. not really a bad thing since sweets are really expensive. but i still whine a lot inside when we pass the easter displays in the grocery store.

on the other hand, it's probably a good thing that "treats" aren't on the grocery list. finances are still a challenge. right now, saxy brings in an extra $900 (net), give or take, but it's amazing how little that money helps when everything is behind and grocery prices are rising. with both older girls planning on moving out (and us losing probably closer to $1400 in income because of that) as soon as they can, it's really not enough to even cover the basics at this point, and now we'll be adding an insurance payment on top of everything else. we've even had to reevaluate saxy continuing on for the b.a. he needs to be available more hours, and i don't know if we'll catch his payments to the school up so he can even get his a.a. on time. there are other options for prepping for owning his own restaurant that are cheaper than the b.a., it's just it would have been nicer to get training rather than to have to self-educate. the challenges in our financial status right now don't allow for it though, so time to regroup and figure out a plan b.

challenged or not, things are looking better. the car might add a little bit more of a strain on the finances, but as long as we find one that will last, the benefits will far outweigh that particular challenge. and overall, it still should end up cheaper than the $120/week we usually have to put into cab fare. as for the rest, it'll all work out, right? challenges are things to be met head on, to grow by, and not to be feared. i'd say i'm looking forward to it, but we all know i'm not. i kinda prefer that boring routine and steady as she goes thing. i'm just hoping we end up in a better place as we overcome our current challenges.


word of the moment: annunciate

foreshadow or presage; to announce; proclaim

. ? 100 Things # .


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