and i'm doing it well. today i reached a milestone: i've lost 25 pounds since last year and am at the lowest weight i've been in a decade or more. and as long as i keep losing weight (which i plan to do), i can keep saying that. 25 pounds is a milestone, and i'm aiming for me to hit the next milestone by the end of the year: a 50 pound loss (which will be almost 1/3rd of the total weight i want to lose).
my only complaint? i can't see it. you would think with 25 pounds gone, there'd be some kind of visible change in my body shape, but there isn't, as far as i can tell. now i know there ARE changes other than numbers. for example, i can slide into those restaurant booths where the table is immovable. when i started this journey, not only could i not slide in, but sitting in that kind of booth was painful because the table would push into my stomach. now i actually have space between me and the table. so, i may not see them, but the changes are there, and i just have to remember that. eventually the visual will catch up with the actual numbers.
and there are other good things going on physically. my back is doing tons better just with the stretching i've been doing over the last few months. it used to be i had to do dishes in stages because my back would be in so much pain after standing only a few minutes. and i had to lean heavily on the cart when doing grocery shopping because my back was in so much pain. now days i can do all my dishes at one time (though i still have to sit down for the silverware; loading that still creates pain for some reason) and i can walk briskly around a grocery store without leaning on anything. the back still gives me some issues, but nothing like before.
and i'm feeling better. a lot better. i'd like to think what i've been doing has also contributed to the fact i've not been getting sick much this winter, despite being in a toxic house that leaks heat like a sieve leaks water in the middle of some of the coldest weather we've had down here.
and i'm learning. i'm learning not to kick my ass or guilt myself when i blow "the diet" since the important thing seems to be consistency over the week. it's been cold, and i'm eating a little more in carbs, and yea, i think the cold has something to do with that, but the bottom line is that i'm still losing weight. so the days i eat more than i should aren't a big deal as long as i don't do it every day. and i'm learning where the lines are for me: eating less than 1200 calories a day triggers a nasty binge, but i can blow my 1500 calorie diet plan by a good couple hundred cals for several days in a week and still lose half a pound minimum. i'm learning how to manage what i eat even when i'm limited on the food groups i have available and that the bottom line is calories—do the best to meet the plan, but make sure to get over 1200 calories even if i can't. i tend towards more fat and my plan leans towards more grains to make up my missing fruit/veggie servings, and eating this way hasn't hurt. plus i don't eat much in low cal specific foods (we drink whole milk and keep the skin on the chicken). i've learned my first meal of the day, whether at 9 a.m. or at noon should be about 450 calories or less. anything higher throws me off for the rest of the day. and i've learned that tracking what i eat is invaluable. and i'm learning what's too heavy and too much for me, what foods to avoid (most fast food is off the table now; my body just can't handle it any more), and that limiting my serving sizes is not a bad thing. forget the plate size, look at the food itself. a plate doesn't have to be full for a meal to be filling.
and i've learned that my body needs one day off from the exercise. right now, i stretch when i get up and before i go to bed, and i just added my core rhythms back into my routine once a week as of today. i was originally aiming for 7 days a week, but my body began to feel more run down rather than better when i did that. so i'm now doing it 6 days a week, and the body seems to be much happier with that.
which is something else i'm learning: how to listen to my body. i'm becoming more aware of what is munchies and what is genuine hunger. i'm becoming more aware of when i've done too much before my back starts complaining, which is important. once my back is in pain, i'm pretty much done for the day.
but most importantly, i feel good about what i'm doing and my energy is on the rise. i don't feel deprived despite the cravings (which are more related to my problems with sugar than with me not getting any sweets because i do allow myself sweets and fats, i just have to deal with addiction problems when it comes to sugar). and now, with the 25 pounds lost, i feel like i can keep going and continue to be successful. i've never lost more than 20 pounds before, and i've never been more determined to keep going. i want to lose enough to stop taking blood pressure meds and hormone pills for my menorrhagia. it'd be nice to be in smaller clothing too, but the big thing is my health and being around for my kids for as long as i can manage.
i'm setting up healthy habits. they'll help when i hit that point where losing the weight is harder. they'll help when i reach my final goal. setting them up now will set me up for success as i go forward, and once i meet my goals, they'll help keep me from gaining again as long as i keep them. i want to keep doing the healthy for the rest of my life.
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word of the moment: granfalloon
a proud and meaningless association of human beings (Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle); a group of two or more people who imagine or are manipulated to believe they share a connection based on some circumstance of little or no real significance; group of people united only in a superficial manner
