friday, february 16, 2001
babble

i honestly meant to write the last 2 days. but life and school caught up with me and by the time i actually had time to write it was time for bed! not that anything i had to say was all that important, just general babble. i am not even sure if anyone is interested in my deep conversation on here , much less my babble, but it sure helps me. especially when i have a lot to sort out. writing it down can often help me clarify what i am thinking and the next step, if there are any steps to take. other times it just lets me unload a bunch of junk, get it out of my head so i can think on more important things. so, for the most part, this is for me, for my clarity, for my head, for my emotional state. even so, it is amazing to me how many pop on to my site (journal or otherwise, heck, even the domynoes.com splash page!) and stay for 0 seconds. it's not like i have blinding colors or anything that would scare them off before they a got a look at what i offer around here. and i don't bite, at least not much. ;)

anyway (that not being what i intended to write about at all today), on to my babble of the last few days. i just wanted to reassure you all that i am still alive and was thinking about you...or at least thinking about writing here. i didn't disappear for valentines day (although it wasn't a bad valentine's day - we just didn't go anywhere; besides, as someone else put it so eloquently, the point was that we spent time together) and the uni didn't swallow me up. still here, just caught up in living in general. and, as always, life is having its share of ups and downs. things are generally good, but even when things are generally good you can have your little glitches.

so things between saxy and i are VERY good right now. as a couple our relationship is so much incredibly stronger than before. we seem more in sync than ever. knowing the way relationships fluctuate (and if i didn't know before, my communications class is certainly letting me know now!), i am not expecting this wonderful peace and harmony between us to last forever. so i am enjoying it while it lasts, knowing one day it won't be as good, but then also knowing that it will return again. he did buy me a white bear holding a heart that says "i love you" on it, and a phantom of the opera coffee mug (i love to collect coffee mugs - don't drink coffee, although i love the smell, but i collect the mugs), and a black panther that now protects my printer. i had wanted to make him another valentine's day page, but with midterms i didn't even have time to do shopping. fortunately he understands and loves me anyway.

the best news is that i think i am finally on my way to being released from the insecurity about being back in uni. i aced all my midterms (barely scraping by in mythology, but still scraping by!). ALL A's!! my first term paper received 150/150 points, and i am doing well on those insane think pieces (with only one exception). so all of you who have been so confident in my abilities were right and i thank you from the bottom of my heart. i can't say i am assured of doing so well in every class i take, but i can finally say with confidence, "i can do this!" 5 quarters left to the bachelor's degree, and i think i will actually make it!

although i admit that i have had second thoughts about going back to school of late. it's not grades, it's not that i don't want to finish the degree. it's the fact that making ends meet has turned into a minor disaster. it has been hard enough with saxy out of work and fighting for his unemployment benefits while we wait for his surgery. But now there's the energy crises, and its going to break us. for the last 2 months the bills have been over $100. i just can't pay that on my limited income! so i have thought about leaving the uni to get work. i can't work and go to school, i am having to study harder than ever to get the good grades. and time would be a big issue as well, there's no guarantee that i can get the classes i need when i would be available if i were working. it's this horrible round robin thing right now: i have to go to school to get a degree that will qualify me for a job, but someone in the house needs a job just so we can make it by. so far saxy and i agree i need to remain unemployed while i get through school.

all we need to do is hang on a bit longer. he goes up for the unemployment appeal next month. let's just hope he wins it. surgery is scheduled for a couple of days after that.

last but not least, i spent the last two days making meta tags for my site, for visions of mind and for the writers circle. coming up with key words took a VERY long time. ask saxy, he's the one who had to watch me desperately try to come up with anything related (i am almost positive steam was coming out my ears by the time i was done). i now understand how it is when you enter something into a search engine and get all kinds of crazy unrelated stuff. some how, some way, who ever made their meta tags managed to come up with a relationships to your search topic, no matter how slim, just to fill out the minimum/maximum requirements for good search engine placement.

see? nothing but babble and life.