saxy has a job interview monday. he would be doing something he's trained in in - driving a small transit bus, and be involved in something he's wanted to be involved with for a long time - helping the disabled. they are talking about two possible positions, the lowest of which pays $9/hour. and, man, do we need this.

our current joblessness isn't just putting pressure on us financially, although that is the most strongly affected. when i finally finished school, saxy was unemployed. when in school, this was no big deal, we had financial aid to help us get through. but with me out, the f.a. dried up. we cut our food costs and started trimming luxuries. then we began to pay only portions of everything except rent. now we don;t buy extras - movies and music are out of the question, we've brought our food costs down to $350 a month which means no fruit and a lot of high carb meals, and i pay very little above and beyond our utilities, which i tend to pay in small portions. our rent is the only thing that gets paid in full every month.

we're beyond financial strain now. we're in that place where our relationship is being hit by the stress. i worry about the finances, he worries about getting a job. but sometimes it doesn't seem like he's worrying about getting a job. he hasn't gone out hunting every day since i left school and it makes me think i need to give up my dreams and take the quickest route to get a job myself. problem is, it's not so quick any more. it turns out my district is laying people - teachers - off. so even if i go for the teaching certificate or try to sub, there's is no guarantee of work. the first ones to get jobs back and to be called on as subs will be those laid off. in a state that needs over 300,000 teachers, only my district seems to not need any and is laying people off. i don't get it.

and saxy says he supports my decision to get an mfa. he doesn't want me to keep reconsidering the option - this is my goal and i should go for it. but he wasn't looking for work, at least not on a regular bases. and it all started getting to me. here's this man, going out to look maybe once or twice a week and spending the rest of the week home, telling me he wanted me to go for my dreams while he goes to amazon.com and adds stuff to his wish list and keeps mentioning the newest movie releases he'd love to get. subtle message: i need to go get a job, because he isn't going to look that hard and someone needs to work. and i'm 2 years away from being fully employable no matter what i do since my degree makes me over qualified for just about anything available in our area, but under qualified for what it should eventually get me a job in. i need an mfa or teaching certificate.

this all came to a head for us last week. i know there isn't much of anything out there right now, but he's not even bothering to look that hard so if anything did come up, he wouldn't know it because he's not out there every day. and his limits on what he would accept seemed unreasonable considering the job climate. no warehouse packing jobs, he won't do truck driving even if they provide training, and so on. some make sense, he does have a bad knee and lifting is a problem, but that knee is made worse by the fact that he's a chair potato and doesn't exercise.

see? the frustration is spilling out, and has been for most of the week. especially when he's perusing amazon.com yet again and looking at more stuff we cannot afford.

anyway, he has this job interview and he's already feeling very nervous about it. now, i think he'll do fine, especially since the person he's meeting with is a woman. my man can be absolutely charming when with women. it's never been a problem, i know where his heart is at (especially after our near divorce a couple of years ago). so, i know he'll do fine. but saxy knows he has a problem with language and saying what he means in a way that gets that meaning across correctly to others. so what we need now is prayer and good karma and well wishes and lots of good vibrations being sent his way for this interview.

let's all hope he gets this job.