and more than a bit frustrated of late. this whole reading and studying for the pII is getting to me, but i know i can't let up. test in 7 more days. so, tired and frustrated or not, i gotta do it. i'm to the point on the reading where i'm reading the smaller/thinner books first and working my way up to the bigger ones. i have a feeling i may not get through much of the once and future king, even though i'd like to. i have way too many books before it and it's just a tad thick. right now i'm working my way through various intros of my norton's anthologies and marking stuff on the various periods of literature to put in my study guide. tedious and boring. but necessary. i'm even to the point that when we go somewhere, i'm reading in the car, at the restaurant, wherever i happen to be that doesn't require me to pay attention to other things (like walking).

i'm turning into a reading fool.

thing is, it's making me cranky. i'm not doing much writing, the kids don't seem to care that i must do this, the girls are argumentative and whiny, my son wants to interrupt every 5 minutes. my son i can understand not getting it. my daughters, however, do not have his limitations. and the oldest is turning whiny. i tell her do something, she whines; i tell her not to do something, she whines. she rolls her eyes, she has attitude, and it's driving me bananas. she can't give me a vacation when i most need it. i need the space to get this done and i'm getting snappish at the family, especially the kids.

i miss my writing. :(

another thing that got frustrating this week was that my check seemed to have vanished into the vast unknown. the office finally called me today and said it had gotten returned as undeliverable, and we went down to pick it up. after looking over the address, i can't see why it got sent back. it can't be that there's a problem with the mailbox, the bills and our magazines get delivered. the junk mail gets delivered. it's a puzzle that i can't begin to figure out. but i took care of it too - the district will now do direct deposit.

the really good news is that the check, which i expected to be smaller than out rent payment, was not only big enough to cover our rent, but also handled a full grocery shopping trip. $340! we usually spend only $150 +/- per week on groceries, which i think is pretty dang good for a family of 5, especially since it includes the fresh fruits and vegetables we couldn't afford in cali. this time we picked up a few rare treats for us and the kids (yogurt, cereals - they usually have toast for breakfast because it's healthier and cheaper, graham crackers, simple stuff like that) and a few "bulk" things that should last us a bit - mayo, ketchup, dog food, etc. and we bought "saxy's" fish, another thing we don't pick much up of because of the price, even though saxy needs it to help with the cholesterol thing. we do a big trip like this maybe 2 or 3 times a year at most. since my check was so big, it seemed like a good thing to use the extra on a trip like this. and i also handled a few utilities. the rest will wait until after the car is taken car of. that must be done so saxy can be comfortable this summer.

a big treat for me was candles. i once had a scented oil burner/warmer in the shape of a dragon. first the glass bowl for the oil got cracked, then broke. then roro knocked the dragon off the shelf on my desk and it shattered into a dozen pieces. bad enough i was having trouble finding oil, bad enough i needed to replace the bowl, not my dragon is beyond repair. so, i hadn't had any of the scented oil i like to have going when writing (i'm particularly fond of raspberry, but found a peach/tangerine i like as well) for some time now - since well before the move.

last night we took my brother out to dinner as a family thing, and on our way back we stopped by the yankee candle company in out local mall. they have a nice raspberry cream jar candle that i'll be using as a replacement to my raspberry oil until i replace my dragon, if i replace my dragon (i've seen a few online, but i'm not overly impressed with any of them, unfortunately). the candle will last awhile too, so even though it was expensive, at least it will last. yankee also was also the company that introduced me to the raspberry peach scent. anyway, the candle will be one of my treats when i get done with all this test stuff. a kind of reward for when i start writing again.

so, even when i'm not reading all day long, or working on the study guide all day long, i've been running around a lot. no wonder i'm tired! i'd say time to take a break, but i need to go and do some more (you guess it!) reading. and finish fixing the really good dinner we're having tonight after our massive shopping trip. tired, frustrated, but well fed. i can live with that.

oh, and happy birthday to me. whysper turned 5 today. wow. paper journals never lasted me longer than 3 months. whysper may be boring for just about everyone else, but it's proven a wonderful place for me to vent, think, work things out, treasure good memories, cry, and share (for anyone who cares to read) the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the important, and the unimportant of my life. one of these days, i plane to print it all out, a day at a time, and put it all in a binder. one day.

for now, happy birthday whysper. you been good to me. ;)