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losing the dust-bunny
thursday, june 24, 2010

seems like lately all i ever write about here is the bad news. truth is we're in a bad place and have been for a long time, and we're nowhere near being able to get out of it. i've thought about shutting whysper down—i'm not posting much because all i do ever seem to have is bad news, but this is my space for venting as well as sharing the joy of life. right now, there's just a lot more venting and whining than anything else. hopefully one day it'll be different and there will be a lot more joy and good stuff going up.

unfortunately, that wouldn't be today.

a little over 7 years ago (by about 2 weeks), we found a dust-bunny. abandoned by his mama, being tortured by the neighborhood kids, we took him in and took care of him and raised him up. most of his life has been pretty good. he's not seen the vet as much as i would like since we've always been poor, but he's been fed and loved and cared for as best as we could manage.

things aren't going so good for him now.

a year or two after we moved out here, he developed urinary track problems. it's a common issue for male cats. when we found it, he was treated with antibiotics and a special diet. the initial food they gave us was too expensive, but we found a more affordable food for him by 9 lives, and that's generally been working. until now.

it's really bad at this point. this is his third time, and the first two times he was noisy and very obvious about the problem. not this time, so the problem looks to be pretty far along despite keeping him on the diet and not giving him any treats. it would still be treatable if we had the $500 for the surgery and the $300 for the vet visit plus antibiotics and everything else that would go with it. but right now we can barely afford our rent and utilities, and i can't even come up with the money to make him more comfortable.

see this thing, if untreated, can be deadly. and there's not much i can do about it. i can't even afford to put him to sleep or give him any kind of pain meds. i have to watch my poor baby waste away and be miserable. he used to be about 11 pounds; now we're lucky if he's 7 or 8.

i'm not sure how much time we have left with him. like i said, it looks like things are pretty far along, and we've known something was up for a bit now (though not this thing specifically). the weight loss has been a big clue he's been sick for a bit now. but there's literally nothing we can do for him except love him up until it's over. and that could be days or maybe months. knowing how uncomfortable he probably is, i kinda wish for it to be a shorter time; wanting a miracle so we can save him makes me wish for more time. in the end, it will be what it will be, and there's nothing i can do about it.

and that's what hurts the most.

i love my dust-bunny. i'd hate losing him no matter how he died, even if it was from old age, but this...this is just too much.

i don't think i've ever felt so helpless. or so miserable. or so guilty.

word of the moment: exurb

a region or settlement that lies outside a city and usually beyond its suburbs and that often is inhabited chiefly by well-to-do families


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