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just too tired
sunday, june 13, 2010

my youngest has become someone i don't like and don't want to know. she's all sweet to your face, but she's a compulsive liar and a thief. she knows it's wrong. she KNOWS! but she persists. and when she's caught, when her brother says something, she shames him for being honest. no, on the one hand, he shouldn't "tattle", but he's not doing wrong, she is.

times have changed so much since i had my oldest. when kitten went to high school, cell phones were just becoming the "thing" and still weren't as common as pagers (remember those?). and they just made calls, expensive calls, but just calls. no photos, no internet access, no apps, no facebook. the internet was just becoming common enough for schools to start acting like every home had a computer and internet access. hell, you could still see basic channels...without cable. and problems with teenagers were still things like going to see a boy they shouldn't, drugs, bad grades...a mix of the good and the bad, but heading into the worst. spanking was just beginning to be a problem for parents, and other options we had were slowly being taken away, but we were still the parents and had some options. yea, family service agencies in every state were starting to take the reins, but it generally hadn't become all that bad yet.

now days, it's a technological nightmare. phones have pictures, texting, video, internet access. if a parent wants to restrict a child's access, it's almost impossible because they may not have their phone, but they can use a friend's! now there's a dozen more ways a child can get in the sights of a pedophile and into other trouble without a parent's knowledge. hell, half the time parents don't even bother to keep an eye on things and give them free access to the net, whatever movies they want to see (saw and all it's sequels? not made for the adult audience, even if some of them go), and try to be their children's friends rather than their parents. and government agencies are taking all our power away. parents can no longer spank, can't throw a surly/sulky 17 year old out of the house, can't put them in the military. in the effort to protect against legitimate abuse, children have gotten all the power.

my 16 year old steals and lies. she does whatever the hell she wants no matter what i say. we closed her facebook account THREE times, she kept reopening it even though she was told not to. she's sexting on her phone (or was, i took it away...and am waiting to be accused of abuse for that) and posting half naked pictures on the net. she gets in trouble for all this, and we're the ones in the wrong.

and she does all this while acting like she's being obedient and sweet.

i'm not raising a future fashion designer. i'm raising a future con woman. and i have no power to stop it. in the last fight she swore she'd call social services if i touched her because she'd rather be in the foster system. can i call the police? not likely. first, same problem—accusations of abuse. second, what would they do? she's 16! they'd talk to her, she'd smile and nod, they'd say how sweet and go on their merry way, and she'd end up doing the same old bullshit.

i weep for the future, for my oldest raising her child. we make it impossible for responsible parents to do what they need to do to raise their kids. the damn technology is against us. no wonder kids have gone wild. parents have no power.

this is going to sound cold, but we've opted out. we've told froggy we're generally treating her as an adult. that means people can press charges and we won't step in to try to help. i'm keeping the phone, but since nothing else is working, and she thinks she knows what the hell is out there for her, and doing anything that i should do would get me hauled in for abuse, i wash my hands of it. do i want her hurt, arrested, whatever? no, i want the best for her. but i can't force it down her throat and i'm tired of the fighting and lies and bullshit. not that being given freedom over her own behavior has done much. next day, she steals something else, gets caught, and tells her brother she's disappointed in him for telling the truth.

i don't believe a word out of her mouth. i don't trust her. and, as much as it breaks my heart, she is someone i no longer wish to know. i had hopes for her. they're all gone now.

i can't go through another year like i did with jewel. too tired for that too. the only way is reduce the stress and step back.

word of the moment: exurb

a region or settlement that lies outside a city and usually beyond its suburbs and that often is inhabited chiefly by well-to-do families


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