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can't sleep
friday, february 12, 2010



yea, it's been a month. and the only reason you're getting anything now is because i can't sleep. we're supposed to get our tax return in today. if it were wamu, we'd probably already be seeing it in the bank. but we're with chase now and it's not there and i'm worried that it won't come in or that it'll get butchered by someone we owe money. and the thing is, we need all of this money for a number of things we've been planning on one thing that's come up as an emergency. my older male cat, vagner, is having problems. there have been flea issues and he's been losing hair, and now he's showing signs of a urinary tract infection problem again and that would be a $500 surgery if it's true. all the cats are having flea issues because we can't afford the good stuff on a regular basis to help them, and with saxy unemployed, we've been having trouble fitting in the cheap stuff. so all the animals are miserable, but this other thing is a huge problem. we've always managed to get the right food for him, and he's not getting treats from the plate any more, so this really worries me that there won't be a non-surgical solution and that we won't have the money in time for him. he's my baby. i want to take care of him. and he's getting older. he was maybe 2 months when we found him back in 2003. 7 puts him at around half his full age (give or take) if we keep him healthy. my plan now is to give up any clothing needs i was going to take care of for myself and get my cat in to a vet, i just need that money to show up when promised.

but that's all recent worries. the reason i haven't written is because it's been hard to do much of anything recently. a few years back (probably a couple of years before we moved out, so close to 7 years ago, i'd think), i had a filling fall out on the upper left side. the good news is it didn't bother me, so i let it go. couldn't afford dental work and was no longer on public aide. as much as not going to a dentist is a bad thing, i just haven't been able to afford to. but a few weeks ago (nearly a month now, imagine that!), i had another filling come out on the lower right side, and this one hasn't been so nice. i've been living on ibuprofen and sleep. and since i've had to change sides that i use to chew, the old tooth is acting up as well. the pain can be excruciating. so now a huge chunk of that return has to go into taking care of my teeth. i haven't been to a dentist in a decade. i'm not expecting this appointment to be cheap. but i also can't live in the kind of pain i've been dealing with.

we also plan to pay this month's rent, since saxy is still unemployed and his regular unemployment is about to (or has, his check for this week has yet to show and we have no idea why) end. we found out the place that kept talking to him like they had hired him but that never actually came out and confirmed he was hired, didn't hire him. i'm getting highly annoyed with these georgia employers because so far most of them seem to be jackasses. at any rate, his mentor chef told him not to sweat it and not to give up. he said this particular group knows absolutely nothing about the business; the wife just came into some cash and decided she wanted a restaurant. he knows we're fast coming up against another crises and that saxy needs to be employed, but keeps encouraging him not to give up. i keep sending him jobs from craigslist, but it's still a tough market and there's always someone with more experience than him. most of these places are setting up interviews based on resumes. if saxy could get in, i'm positive he could get himself hired, but on paper he just doesn't look that experienced. he's working on it, though, and still doing wonderfully in school. he's so happy with his new career goals. we may have to tough it through before he gets hired, it just would be nice if he got hired soon. :P

hubs needs a few things to support his current and future curriculum, so we plan to pick up some of those things, as well as clothes for the kids (who haven't gotten anything significant in well over a year). my son's wardrobe needs almost a complete replacement, although we're not sure what the heck to do about pants for him: he's 3" smaller in the waist then any slim jean that would fit him length wise. we're also picking up a carpet steamer because the cats seem to have found a carpet area that's easier than the cat boxes, and the constant rentals would eventually add up to the cost of one. and we've got a number of other "little" things we need to take care of. needs we've put off for months or years. needs that, along with the above, make this check really, really important to us. kitten is also getting a significant check and has needs for her and baby cat to cover. her list isn't nearly as long as ours, but her check is also smaller. unfortunately, it's not big enough to cover the divorce or i'm sure she'd be paying for that. as it is, she'll probably replace our washer and dryer before they explode and might get saxy and i mattresses that don't bite us like the old ones we sleep on now.

i know it sounds like another crappy month in a long list of crappy months, but there has been good things for us in all this. i've already sold my first story, i've received positive comments back from my first beta reader return, and kitten has been accepted to the arts institute for her illustration degree (one of the things she'll be getting with her return is a new computer since there's no way her old laptop will handle any work she'll be doing for this particular degree). youngest's grades are finally climbing back up: she is working very hard to reach her own goal of the fashion design program at the arts institute in miami. i think it also helps that she's in a school with smaller classes and that there's a lot less stress going on in the house right now. she and jewel aren't exactly warm and fuzzy, but they're managing to get along with about the normal friction you can expect between two teen sisters. clothes have apparently become an issue with her sticky fingers, but hopefully the new stuff we get her will help with that. saxy and i also went to the "reception" to pick up his certificate for making the dean's list (we are soooo proud) and ate at the school's fine dining restaurant because of a gift card he received for volunteering for an event at the school. you can read about that night at the chef's wife. so there's been a lot of pain, a lot of worries, but there's been a lot of good too, some of which i'm sure i've forgotten. the teeth have pretty much taken over my existence of late. :P

well, the money has come in! and it looks like once again gwinnett county will persist in business as usual despite the near 100% possibility of snow, so i better get to bed. we've been allowing froggy to get herself and taz off to their respective transportation and has been doing very well at it, but she needs to wake me up at 5:30 to check the closings for the day once more before we get taz up and they get ready to go. with the money in, and the ability to take care of vagner available, maybe i'll be able to sleep now.
.:.

word of the moment: exurb

a region or settlement that lies outside a city and usually beyond its suburbs and that often is inhabited chiefly by well-to-do families

.:.

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