yea, so what else is new, right?

i just received my praxis books. the praxis I isn't a problem, that i think i can pass fairly easily. i'm studying anyway, reading up on how to take the test, doing the samples. i'll probably need to brush up on math, but beyond that i should be fine. the praxis II could be a problem. it requires knowledge about y.a. fiction - something i read, oh, almost 30 years ago? i remember some of the classics vaguely, and a few of my favorite authors, but a lot of the newer stuff? forget it. does this mean i need to pick up and read a bunch of y.a. stuff to be able to pass this test? anyone got any idea?

i could probably take the math test and pass.

not like i want to teach math.

but right now, whenever i open the study guide, i get this bit of panic. really, why couldn't they accept the cbest test i took last year or whenever it was? if they did, then i could focus on the praxis II and maybe feel a little less panicked. there's pressure to get this all right the first time - we really need me earning a bit more money and the medical insurance, and before summer hits.

and then there's the newest financial wrinkle in this move. i'm really beginning to feel like we made a really bad choice with this move. it's not true, of course, we're in a better neighborhood and taz is doing really well out here, but we're having a harder time financially because of the higher rent and utility costs. and my car insurance comes due again this month.

i know, whine, whine, whine.

but yesterday i got a definite freak out moment. the landlord comes and tells me that they haven't been charging us the late fees on the rent, but they are now going to start adding what we owe to our bill.

what we owe?

see, i thought he was being a really nice man and waving the late fees for the moment. nope, just delaying them. this is not good. for one month alone we owe at least $2700! and i don't know if he's charging anything for the months we made partial payments through the month. if so, then we're really in debt to this guy!

okay, yea, i understand that there's a late fee and all that, and i can even understand him wanting his money, but . . oh. my. god. we are in soooooo deep now that i have no idea how we're going to get it cleared up! the good news is that we will be getting straightened out on the payment schedule - our entire federal tax return is going to this guy and part of it is to help get us current and one month "ahead." meaning, we'll be paying for the next month's rent at the end of this month (around the 27th of every month, i can pay the next month's rent).

everything got so damn screwed up over the holidays. *sigh*

maybe this was a bad move. i'm worried we're never going to get caught up. ever. it's probably one of those silly worries - at least we have opportunities to make life better out here and we're trying to do that - but, at the same time, i can't help but look at our history and wonder. we've tried lots of times, but something always happens to keep us from doing any better. maybe that's where this worry is coming from - i see us able to get to a better place, but in the back of my head know we've been in that same place numerous of times and have yet to reach it.

i guess all i can do is try, right? and hope. and leave the rest to god.