weekend stuff
friday, june 22, 2007

so, i was going to write about last weekend sooner than this, but miss thang managed to muck everything up and i had to calm down about it before i wrote

the weekend itself was actually pretty cool. kitten and company arrived earlier than expected, even counting in having dinner before they got to the house. baby cat has gotten sooo big! you can see pictures of her over at the lj gallery. her new family is nice. we all kinda kicked back and got to know each other a bit -- though i think we were up a little late. we did miss stargate sg-1, though hub was smart and taped it in case we missed the midnight showing (which we did). when we finally crashed, kitten chose to stay in the living room with saxy and i (she slept on the couch) and baby cat slept in a bassinet. baby cat woke us around 6:30, but settled back down once mama fed her and we all went back to sleep. this was pretty much her pattern for the whole weekend.

saturday, kitten, saxy, and i went to the mall to look into switching our phones to her service. it didn't happen though -- she has to wait another month and it looks like she'll get a better deal for the phones online anyway. i did get a hair cut -- 3" lopped off. i'm not too impressed with the cut now that i've had it a few days, but i'll look into doing something with it when it's grown out a bit. it looks like the texture has changed and it's lost some of its curl, so i might be able to go with a short cut. we'll have to see once i have something more to work with. while i was getting my hair cut, saxy took kitten to the local medieval times gift shop (literally a part of the mall) and did some gift shopping for the family. saxy commented later that it looks like her infamous self-control isn't quite so controlled anymore. lol after all that it was back home and saxy made a huge mexican dinner: tacos, taquitos, enchiladas, and tostadas. we all went to bed a little earlier than friday. they left around 11 on sunday morning.

it really was just a relaxing, kickback weekend. we had initially planned to go out somewhere, but i think it was better spending time getting to know one another. besides, as usual, money was tight. maybe when they bring her down in august we can all go out to do something. money will probably still be tight. :P

we're trying to make arrangements for who is going where for the holidays. i think, now that we've spent time with them, going up there for thanksgiving won't be so bad -- especially for saxy. i doubt we'd stay the whole 3 or 4 days -- i'd be worried about the cats. saxy did much better than i expected, and seemed more comfortable than i expected. maybe preparing for the visit for 2 or 3 weeks in advance helped reduce the problems caused by his hyperlexia. i think i was more uncomfortable than he was! my discomfort had nothing to do with them, either -- they were a pretty easygoing trio. i think it had to do with 1) not having been as social as i used to be for the past few years, and 2) the general suckiness of my house. we spent a lot of last week cleaning, but that doesn't help much when the place tends to be dark anyway, and there's not enough furniture or storage space. things were managed, but i seriously need a new dining table and chairs. and just a generally better decorated home. and a brighter home. it's after one and the living room is all in shadows. it sucks to live in such a dark place.

anyway, miss thang did okay over the weekend. we had to pre-empt a few fights between her and kitten (kitten really disapproves of jewel's attitude toward us), but the other kids all got along well. (taz was absolutely taken with the baby!) it wasn't until after everyone left that she got herself in trouble.

as mentioned in previous entries, she's been job hunting by going out to the place closest to us, picking up maybe one application, coming home and maybe filling something out online, getting some housework done then taking off out of here as fast (and as pretty) she can. she gives me a number of a friend to call, but the few times i've needed to call it, no one has answered. obviously, suspicions were up that she was seeing the boyfriend despite signing an agreement that she wouldn't for 6 months.

really, we have absolutely nothing against this kid, except, maybe, that he seems lazy as hell. the one time he came down here, he didn't help jewel with a few things she needed to get done, and he recently quit his job because there were too many people. anyway, we really have nothing against him -- or didn't, anyway (a recent phone call to me telling me how to speak to and treat my daughter when he he's only 17 kind of tossed the 'nothing against him' thing out the window). the problem wasn't him. the problem was her being so focused on him that everything she needs to do for her future -- school, work, getting her head together -- it's all shoved aside for him. she spent her child support feeding him and his family. she buys him stuff that he doesn't need instead of taking care of herself. to us, this was a serious problem. the first time it was discussed, she had hysterics when we told her moving back in would require that she not see him. she found a place to go. when she got thrown out of her aunt's house and wanted to move back here, not seeing the boyfriend was still a part of the deal. she agreed to it (a little too calmly, if you ask me), she signed a paper stating that it was a requirement to live here, with the understanding that screwing up on any of the conditions in the agreement would get her kicked right back out again.

so, sunday afternoon, she's out of here so fast it would make your head spin. and, like i said, we're already suspicious that something is up -- the girl has become an expert liar and manipulator. whispered phone calls where she calls the person on the other line "baby", the minimal job hunting, the places she's choosing to even look for a job, not being able to reach at the place she said she would be the few times i called, all of that, we just knew something was up. later the same evening, WE get a call from a friend looking for her. when we say she's not here, friend says, "oh, she must be at d's, then."

um, okay. i called the friend she was supposed to be at. no answer. called a second friend. he hadn't seen seen her all day. the first friend calls back and ask if she's been there and get a "no." has he seen her with the boyfriend recently. "no." he then offers up that she might be at a particular park. he calls again a short time later saying she just came by and knows we're looking for her and is on her way home. uh huh. hub decides to go get gas for the car and to check it out. sure enough, there she is with the bf, walking down the street towards the bf's house, hand in hand. saxy calls me and i tell him to pick her up so she can get some of her stuff. when she comes in, not an apology, nothing. just a "why did you have me come back if all you're going to do is throw me out!" in the snottiest tone ever.

just where did i go wrong with this kid? i mean, seriously. oh, and she did get offered a job with a grocery store, but may not be able to work there because she's staying with the bf and his mother and "it's too far away." see what i mean about this kid being more important to her than her life?

this is it. this is the third time we've had to tell her to leave. at this point, it's the school of hard knocks for her, assuming she ever finally lands on her ass and actually learns something from it. i admit to not being the perfect parent -- life and just the mere fact that i'm human just hasn't allowed for that. hell, it hasn't even allowed for me to be the parent i wanted to be, much less perfect. but, seriously, this is ridiculous. taz is already adjusting to her not being here (though he does keep asking about the holidays -- i suspect she promised him she'd be here even though she has no clue if she will be or not). froggy was upset, but seems to be fine now. she helped pack whatever miss thang left behind and put it in the garage for storage.

as for miss thang, i'm sure she's putting the blame on everyone except where it belongs: herself. how she cannot see the choices she's making as bad, i don't know. she already has to make up a semester of classes to graduate, and may have to go to an alternative high school to do that much. and i suppose it could have been worse -- i could have screwed up with all of them. :P

i know, it's not me. she's making her choices. with limited information and experience, to be sure, but they are her choices. she knew the consequences, and still took the risks. i'm pretty upset with her right now, but i still love her and still worry about her. it's just obvious that living with us is not the right thing for her. it's certainly not the right thing for my son, who needs stability. all she ever does is disrupt that stability. and it's not good for froggy, who gets torn up inside every time there's a problem. kitten has pretty much disowned her -- i think she's more pissed off at the way miss thang has treated us than anything. all these other issues come up with they talk, but i think kitten understands that we really did our best, and she has a very strong sense of respect for us, neither of which miss thang has shown any evidence of. even kitten admits she had issues as a teen, and moments where she went against the rules, but she was never in your face disrespectful to us, and it was never to the extent that her sister has been. so, i think a lot of the anger for her comes out of wanting to protect us. as for us, saxy has put his foot down -- no more. not until she's changed her tune, which may be never. so far she's been kicked out of 3 places for a total of 5 times. she's not showing much of a learning curve there. next time might land her on the street, and i'm just going to have to let it happen. here is off limits.

it took me a few days to calm down from all this, and i almost got pissed off again when she came to pick up a few things last night. now, though, i'm more sad than anything. things are screwed up and i can't fix it.

i am pissed at the boyfriend's father though. he has the nerve to call over here from a blocked number and tell me that he "just wanted us to know" that it was us kicking miss thang out that just ended his marriage. then he hung up. no opportunity to rebut. no phone number to call and even tell the guy to take fucking responsibility for his own damn problems.

anyway, it all kind of dampens the whole new job thing. i'll be working as an editor for a fairly new small press. doesn't pay much or often, but it will give me much needed experience.

it's been another quiet week, for the most part, but not because of the week itself. the end of the weekend pretty much dampened things. *sighs*

word of the moment: accension

the act of kindlingor setting on fire, or the state of being kindled; inflammation; ignition

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