||need to move
tuesday, january 30, 2007
i really want to move. not so much out of the state as just out of this house. it's more than the construction issues, and there's quite a few of those beyond not having any insulation. there are even things i like about the house, and i love our location -- we're near everything we need, really. we could be in a better area for schools, but the stores we want are nearby and we're on a quiet street, so i'm really okay with all that.
it's the house itself. it's one of those places where cleaning it doesn't make much of an impression on it. it might help if the windows let in more light or were positioned better to take advantage of the light we do get, i don't know. i just know the place never really looks or feels truly clean, if that makes sense. i like the dinette we've turned into my office, it's situated in such a way that i can be involved in the family or watch tv while working online, or i can choose to get completely absorbed in my writing and not be too disturbed. i think if we ever bought a house, we'd need to try to add something similar to how this is set up. but other spaces in the house are odd -- either too big or too small. the windows are too narrow.
we actually considered buying this place, when buying might have been an option. now, i'm kinda glad it quickly became a non-option. the place would need too much work, and much of the land around it isn't really all that conducive to the work it needs. for example, the kitchen would need to be made larger, but the section of land with the kitchen is up on a kind of hill with the rest of the land is below it, and the kitchen covers nearly the entire rise.
some of the changes would need to be cosmetic -- a light carpet, for example. others would be "cosmetic" but require more work -- better placement of light fixtures. and others would just be too much of a pain in the butt -- enlarging the windows, the kitchen, and the bathrooms. the sad thing is none of these are 'bad' the way they are now, they just don't . . . work for me. the house doesn't work for me. it's too . . . gloomy, i guess. that's not quite it either. it's like everything works, but is just a little . . . off. everything fits in my office, but that doesn't make it easy to work in the office -- things aren't always easy for me to get to.
and the place is expensive. it needs insulation, screens for the windows, storm windows rather than the single pain windows it has, and to have the little gaps here and there taken care of. the downstairs is always cold in the winter -- heat rises and evaporates. in summer the place is hardly ever cool enough (it needs a new air and heating system too). the old pipes leak. so all my utilities are more expensive than they need to be. it makes it hard to keep up.
it's not that i hate it here. i do okay here. i just know we can do better. a home needs to be a place where you feel comfortable. this place isn't quite depressing, but it's not comfortable.
i've been feeling this need to move for awhile now. at first i attributed it to me always being on the move for so long in my life. but i don't think that's it now. i'm just ready for something better. oh, i know it's not going to happen any time soon. we're struggling to make it. saving money up to move isn't happening any time soon. but it's there. a need to move to a place that fits us better. a place that's comfortable. a place that feels like it's ours even if it isn't really.
yep, we need to move. maybe, some day.
|word of the moment: feria
(in Spanish speaking regions) a local festival or fair, usually in honor of some patron saint; a weekday on which no festival or holiday is celebrated, particularly in the roman catholic church; a surname
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