mixed & buried
thursday, february 28, 2019


really, i'm trying not to fall off the face of the earth, honest. and somehow it isn't just the journal that has been a struggle to get to. i've received a paid editing job, and am struggling with that, and because of that, i've not been writing. the funny thing is i look at my planner and can't figure out exactly what's eaten up my time. i'm still limiting my you tube filming to monday and friday. i'm still exercising only on tuesday, thursday, and saturday. my schedule, what there is of it, has been pretty much the same, but i've been getting less done than usual.

i have been struggling with a few things lately though. i'm not one for total denial, but have been in a sugar phase to beat all sugar phases. some of that is the season: valentine's and easter tend to be my worst time of the year for sugar. i may need to make an effort to stay out of the aisle for awhile to reduce the cravings, but that "detox" time is always a struggle. i think it's changing my tastes: i've been wanting sweets after dinner and the like more often, and that will make the step back even harder. i'm also oddly finding myself not as interested in the fresh food we usually eat, while at the same time feeling the need to eat more frequently (even when not hungry). it's very weird. and lately, i've been tired more often, crashing sooner and harder when i go to bed. now my hope is at least some of this is related to the persistent overcast and rainy weather, so i'm not panicking about it yet. and i wouldn't be surprised if this was also why i seem to be getting further behind and more off track without pinpointing what's getting in the way.

or maybe i'm hitting brain numb from the political shitshow going on these days. that's exhausting enough without the weather.

we also got hit with some bad news this past week: our tax return was claimed by a debt. my understanding is there are very few who can actually do that, so we suspect hub's school loans. that situation was supposed to be sorted out, but saxy must have dropped the ball because it wasn't. we won't know for sure if it was the loans until we get the letter from the irs about it, but it doesn't matter. we needed that money for a load of other things, and now we're behind again. it's frustrating.

on the plus side, we did get our state return, and i told saxy he was still the one to decide what to do with it, and he wants to get our dragon con tickets before the price goes up again. that's pretty much all it will pay for, but at least they will be purchased. our money we were going to set aside for the time down there is gone, but we'll manage like we always do, i suppose.

most of the great things going on are small bits:

i've started helping kiddo take care of his curls recently. this isn't all that difficult since most of his head is shaved short; he just has a tail that we're caring for now. still, i thought this would be a difficult transition for him, but last night he told me he actually likes it. we set an alarm for me to do his refresh in the middle of the day (sine i'm a late riser), but i mentioned i should also be doing it after his evening shower. last night he surprised me and came to me with his products without me asking him (i do tend to forget). seems i worried over nothing. ;)

i received a free lifetime membership from lose it for being a long term member (this is my 7th year, and my 4th paying for premium). i'm not actively focusing on losing, and while i log food, i'm not being precise in my measurements, but i love the community there. and while i was considering going back to basic because of the fact i'm not focusing on losing, i'll take the lifetime premium happily.

My meds are putting me in a much better place. The weather is still pretty predictable: cold and overcast during the day, rain every night. So I'm still getting storm headaches and tired (my SAD may be mild, but weeks upon weeks of no or minimal sunlight builds up), but the headaches are manageable. tylenol actually helps now. i'm also still stuffy, but between the nasal inhaler and my over the counter allergy meds, i can breath. i'm sure when i go back to get a new prescription, my bp will be in a reasonable range as i'm getting less head pounding in general.

i'm slowly building my workout habit. my toughest day is saturday, for some reason. but even on two days a week, i've increased my dumbbells for most of the workout to 7 pounds. i'm hoping to be using 8s for at least the opening section of the routines by the end of march. and i'm hoping to increase my ankle weights (currently at 5 pounds) to 6 around the same time. but i think i need to get consistent on saturdays as well as tuesdays and thursdays for that to happen. still, i'm doing really well, and pretty happy with my progress so far. it's not really showing up physically yet, but again, i think consistency is slowing that progress down.

i'm sure there are other things that are slipping my mind, but as i said above, it's been a really mixed couple of weeks, and i've been pretty buried. getting my routine down will help. getting sunshine on a more consistent basis will help. getting the sugar cut down would probably help. i'm just taking it as i can. honestly, most days, that's all you can do. and i'm proud of every little step forward.