wednesday, february 28, 2001
never again

for the second year in a row, the online h&r block tax filing program (via website, not the downloaded software) has completely screwed us over. last year, after weeks of frustration in dealing with their website, i finally downloaded the software and e-filed that way. this year we went through filling out the forms ok, but the actual e-filing got totally screwed up somehow. expecting a check any day now, i went to check on the status of our filing and imagine my surprise when there was no record of it being filed anywhere. so i try to find help. the site is a damn navigational nightmare. i even had an h&r employee helping me out and every single damn number i was given gave me a voice menu with no real people to be found. it took OVER 5 HOURS to find a real human being to help, only to discover that while they had been paid (verified by the credit card i used), THEY HAD NOT YET ACTUALLY FILED IT. i basically went through and had to request it get filed again. THIS time it apparently took.

they damn well better not try to take any more money for their screw up.

my h&r friend thinks we should try to get our money back since they so wondrously delayed our MUCH MUCH needed (BILLS! food! utilities ~ especially the electricity!) return. but after all that today, i just want my money. so i have to wait 1-3 weeks more. as long as it gets here in time for me to get the laptop in time for next quarter, i will count myself as lucky. but one thing is for sure: i will NEVER use the online site again. EVER. fortunately my friend is going to help us after this. assuming i can catch her online during tax season that is!

the one benefit of today's tax mess was the discovery of the first nuisance side effect of the adderall. in the past i have been almost overly tolerant of people. as long as it doesn't infringe upon my right to be me, or hurt my family, i think people can be whoever or whatever they want. ok, so maybe i can't say that about psychopaths and ax murderers, but in general i feel if whatever you want to believe, how you want to live, it's all up to you and not my place to judge you for it. i have my religious beliefs, yes, but i do not, and hopefully never will, allow my "disagreement" with lifestyle choices or decisions become so personal that i become intolerant. at least, i hope not.

anyway, so in general, i try to let people be who they are. i may not agree, i may not always get along with them, but i try not to dictate who they MUST be or HOW they must be. i try to accept who they are. and i try to roll with it. i try not to take things personally that are a part of their personality. i basically try to be flexible and try not to impose limitations, just allow them to be who they are and not taking offense at them being who they are and how they are. this tends to make someone a bit more tolerant, and it takes a bit before i get irritated or angry. being manipulated will piss me off to no end, but if someone is irritable or whatever, i just try to go with the flow.

not so the last few days, and today it was brought out big time. in next to no time i was frustrated and snappy as all get out. not long after that i was in tears. TEARS. i was crying and getting more and more frustrated faster and faster. by the time i did get to a live person i was actually ready to break something ~ literally. i do not mean i said, "i want to break something." i mean if i had the capability of smashing the phone into a thousand little pieces without detrimental consequences, i would have. it really is a testament to my self-restraint that i didn't. the fact that i even got that far was unnerving, to say the least. somewhere in the last few days i have gone from overly-tolerant to somewhere below normal. not too far below, i hope, but i definitely am not as flexible as i used to be.

so now we have to decide if this is going to be tolerable. i am not irritable all the time and, in fact, am generally in my usual good mood about the same amount of time without medication. i just can't be pushed as much. my level of flexibility has been reduced. i am more easily flustered. more easily stressed. and more easily affected by what others do around me. my easygoing nature seems to disappear more quickly when pushed. the obvious problem is that saxy has always been more reactionary than i in a negative way and this will definitely cause some problems if we are not careful.

we really can't evaluate it completely. the full effects of any adhd med can take 2 weeks or more to be seen. i have been on this for only a few days. this side-effect may disappear, it may get worse, i may turn into a raving lunatic. we just don't know. i am seeing a bit more focus than before, but that too could be short lived or end up not being as much as we think it is or that i need to function well. only time will tell.

at least one thing hasn't changed . . . .

i still hate waiting!