upheavals
saturday,, february 16, 2019


i don't even know. the last couple of weeks have been off routine. i've been on and off sick and a lot tired, hubs has been home on days he's usually working and working on days when he's usually home, i've been given a paid editing job by a friend who knows my editing work, and we had our first doctor appointment this past week (more on that later). my writing kind of fell down the rabbit hole, my exercise has been hit or miss, and while things have gotten done, they're not usually done on time. i was sick the week before last and also had to do our taxes and had huge issues with that, so have also been stressed beyond belief. things sorted out, but, yea, the last two weeks could disappear, and i wouldn't miss them. :P

hub's schedule got switched for a meeting that was supposed to happen last week and didn't, so it happened this past week instead. because of the meetings, his schedule got changed and he was home on workout days, so i didn't work out. this past week i was sick too. i honestly think i've been fighting a sinus infection for a couple of months (on again and off again, but the doctor said nope), and the weather hasn't been helping (rain every night). i've been feeling pretty beaten down. and tired. so tired that last night i was asleep by 11. i'm never asleep by 11. even after long days like thursdays and fridays often tend to be. but last night, this girl crashed hard. two long days combined with some kind of sick going on did me in.

taxes were a bit of a nightmare. i usually use tax act. up until last year (or maybe the year before), tax act was free. we would have to pay for state, but federal was free. last year federal as $15. this year? they initially tried to charge me $40. i ended up downloading the $25 basic program. then they said i needed to get the deluxe which is even more expensive (no upgrade price, i'd have to pay the whole whatever it was) because the basic i purchased was missing two forms. when i wanted to pay using the return, they wanted to charge an additional $80. and state? also $40. wtf? i mean, seriously, what. the. fuck. i didn't do it. i googled the two forms and guess what? don't need them. by friday afternoon, i was totally stressed out and near to tears. someone suggested checking into the irs free tax programs, so i did and ended up going with turbo tax. and they did it all, federal and state for free. tax act is listed there, but i wouldn't use it, especially if you've used them before. if you're looking for a program, check out the irs free file program...and avoid tax act. i should go after them to get my money back, but i just haven't had the energy (and really was planning to spend $25 this year anyway). i'm not sure they'd give it to me anyway considering i downloaded the program already. so i have it, i just ended up not using it, which makes it unlikely that i'll get a refund.

yesterday was full on doctor day. kiddo had his first in the morning. then hubs and i went to our new doctor for the first time. we were there at least 2 hours. on the plus side, we both pretty much got checked out (with each of us needing one more screening). i even got a mammogram (no pelvic though, which is just fine...already not happy/comfortable with this p.a.), which i thought as interesting. this particular clinic was actually interesting overall: electronic check ins, an electronic patient portal, in house screening (at least for the mammogram, and i suspect for other things). overall it was a good experience, and hubs and i are back on our much needed meds. and i got a check in ekg.

but the p.a. i'm going to have to ask for someone else if possible. she didn't fat shame, but there were other issues. she was incredulous that we haven't been on our bp meds for the last 2 years ("this should be free." me: the doctor visit to get the prescriptions isn't *she gives me a look like i've lost my mind*). and while she didn't fat shame, my 3 years of frustration with trying to lose weight "isn't enough to give up on trying." fuck that; life's too short for that shit. i'm working on my health in other ways: improving our diet, working on muscle (when life isn't turning things upside down). and apparently money shouldn't stop me from doing all my screenings (regardless of how much the insurance company will pay) because i'm there to improve my health. i mean, seriously, she just rubbed me the wrong way. i need to go back and do a 30 day to make sure my bp meds are still doing what they're supposed to, and when we do that, i'll be requesting a different doctor, i think. she never actually blamed me for the health care gap, but it felt like she did, and apparently my experience with weight loss (THREE YEARS of frustration) and making other choices to be healthy without that aggravation isn't enough for her. hell, from what i can tell, none of my explanations of anything was enough for her. according to her, my sinus issues don't have enough symptoms to be a sinus infection so are all related to allergies.

and i just deleted a whole paragraph justifying why i'm not driving myself crazy trying to lose weight. i shouldn't have to justify that to anyone. and, yea, i'm asking for a different doctor. i'm not going to deal with someone who dismisses my concerns and explanations.

after that, we went to lunch, i picked up oldest, i picked up our meds, and then it was grocery shopping. so, yea, looong day. after a night of next to no sleep (because payday nights are always very late, but kiddo's appointments are always in the morning so we have the rest of the day for other things or just to chill).

hopefully all the upheavals are over for now, and i can get back to the routines i was just starting to establish. plus the editing work (fortunately, she's a friend and knows what's going on). for exercise and so on, it would help if these damn sinus issues would clear up. it's really hard to do much of anything when you have a headache that doesn't respond to standard pain killers. hopefully the nasal spray will help. messy weeks and upheavals are just a part of life. the real challenge is to get back on track as soon as you can, and that's what i'm looking forward to next week.