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20 years together
Christopher G. Loeb
Denyse J. Zane
Married Dec 31, 1998

one year at a time
2000 / 2001 / 2002 / 2003 / 2004 / 2005 / 2006 / 2007 / 2008 / 2009 / 2010 / 2011 / 2012 / 2013 / 2014 / 2015 / 2016 / 2017 / 2018 / 2019

give me them all


words count : journeys


.com : .nu

just like that
     tuesday, february 6, 2018

and just like that, things change

jewel has been attempting to balance a lot: she works full time, goes to school full time, plus, you know, has a life. now add in her nephew. it got to be a bit much. her grades are slipping (and she's been doing amaze-balls; so very proud of her!), her relationships are suffering, and some of her other issues are being exacerbated. while she's been wanting a baby for-ever, she also knew she wasn't ready and just wanted to help her sister and her nephew (whom she loves to death). there's also the financial hit, which is much harder on a single mom. and this isn't her baby. she loves him, but he's still not hers. and she was going to try to file for custody since mama still isn't in a place to take care of him, but even if she had won it, she was very aware it would likely be temporary. youngest is working on getting her life together and would have eventually gotten him back.

plus there's dad. she's made it clear to the other grandma that dad isn't to know where she lives, isn't to be brought to her place, but there was always the risk. and while dad has finally gotten the message that froggy is not interested, he's still possessive about his boy. him becoming an issue has always been a worry for me (and no, he would be unlikely to get custody: setting aside the violence, as far as we know, he can't hold a job longer than three months and does harder drugs—even his family doesn't really want him to have custody).

so this past weekend, she gave me a call. she needs to stop being batman's primary caregiver. the other grandmother had talked about getting a nanny and having him there, but prior to that when she did have him, she complained about the expense of having a caregiver for him. mom's still not ready. dad most definitely is out of the question. and no one wants him in foster care.

that leaves us.

so, at the end of the month, we're going to be the proud caregivers of a two year old. two year olds are tough, but they aren't nearly as exhausting and time consuming as an infant. i expect there to be some adjustment issues, and obviously, some time will be eaten up, and i'm definitely going to have to get more on top of things when it comes to writing (still struggling a bit with that, but still doing better than last year).

i'll admit, we're not looking forward to this. we raised our kids, and both hubs and i are starting to value our time without kids (well, other than my adult son who will never move out because of his autism). and the under five set are a constant presence. the hope is this won't be for too long. kitten and froggy are planning to get a place together (along with another person), and froggy's plan is to take him with her. i expect this to take at least a year, but it could be longer. froggy's history isn't one that inspires confidence of the needed stability happening soon. so while we're hoping that he'll be settling in with his mama sooner rather than later, we're expecting to be raising him for awhile.

this might mean adjusting my goals for the year a little, but we'll see. still working on being consistent with 250 words a day. working out has been a bust the last week and a half or so, but that's had more to do with having sleep problems (I won't lift weights when I'm tired; too much risk of an injury) and not having much motivation for yoga (and often i find motivation tied to lack of sleep). as for getting back on my feet after a derailment, eh. lack of sleep is killing me more than anything, and i currently seem to have a sinus infection. the reading before bed is picking up again, though some nights i go to bed too late for it. how much harder these things will become...well, we'll see.

didn't take long for this year to jump expectations. we'll manage, even if not thrilled. we do love the little bugger. i wish his life hadn't been so hard so soon, and jewel has done amazing with him. but she's got to take care of herself, and some of that is letting go even if you want to do something. batman isn't hers, and she deserves to get herself set up for her own kids. we can cover in the meantime.


word of the moment: teleran :: a system of aerial navigation in which ground radar scans the area about an airport and the results are televised
so that the pilot of an airplane sees the positions of all craft in the vicinity superimposed upon a map of the area.

currently reading: an earthly crown / bread, wine, chocolate: the slow loss of foods we love / big fit girl: embrace the body you have


on this day in...
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Since July 9, 2000

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