rough week
     saturday, january 27, 2018


you know, a goal like getting back on track as soon as possible when derailed just has to be challenged, and the earlier the better. that's been my week. and i can't even pinpoint what threw me off my game this time around, but this week has not been good for writing and exercise.

we did get hit a week and a half ago with a financial crisis, or so we thought. we found out later that checking this particular balance online is a bad idea because the particular system the company uses for payments includes the upcoming payment in the total due.

i know. what. the. fuck. that's just...beyond stupid.

and of course, my panic at all this wasn't helped by having spent a lot for christmas dinner (worth EVERY. DAMN. PENNY. to have all my kids together for the holidays and not in the midst of a war) and hub's checks being short because of reduced hours because of said holidays.

however, at the time i was making the first of two payments this month, i saw the total balance and flipped. i was going to have to come up with, i thought, essentially $300/payment twice a month for at least 2 to 3 months to be completely caught up. and the original $410 is hard enough for me to come up with, even with saxy's pay and hours being higher than they were last summer. we did manage to come up with the first $300, and the rep couldn't help but notice my panic, found out the why of the panic, and explained that we are just fine. yes, a little behind, but not as far behind as i thought, and certainly not at risk for further issues at this point. since the cost for payments will be the same whether made on the phone or online, i'll probably be paying by phone from now on.

we also had some mild sick making the rounds. nothing too serious, though kiddo only just got rid of the cough earlier this week, and he'd been sick for at least two weeks. my sick was mild, but had me in and out of bed (i'd need more sleep on one day, not as much for another day or two, then either sleep in really late or just have no energy for a day or two). even youngest, who only visited on occasion, came down with something for awhile there. on the plus side, it did somehow bypass the husband. we really couldn't have afforded even fewer hours because of illness. i'm pretty sure a lot of the last couple weeks were sucked up into trying to get well while simultaneously trying to ignore being sick (because i hate teh sick).

then the biggest bump of the year: oldest is now staying with us. it was supposed to be her and her youngest, but the father has some idea that he has joint custody because he's gone through the paperwork to be recognized as the child's father...which is not what that paperwork does. unless a court has declared them having joint custody, mama has custody. he has the right to visitation, he has to pay child support, and if he died, his daughter would get his estate. that's it. but let's back up.

i want to be clear: while all of us (saxy and her sisters included) think her moving out of the ex's grandparents' home is a good thing. however, it was suddden, with no warning on the part of ex's family. she paid her weekly rent. two days later, they told her to get out...and didn't hand back any of her money. and she had to come to our house initially with next to nothing. we went to go collect her things and her daughter and ended up without the daughter because the officer there didn't know the law, contacted his superior, who also apparently didn't know the law, and we were told we had to leave her behind. since then, rather than getting a sheriff who knows the law (plus taking a copy of said law with her) and collecting her daughter, kitten has left squirrely with her ex and his family. she says she has a plan, but i worry that the longer baby is left there, the more of a case they have for keeping her.

all that said, kitten does seem to be in a better place emotionally. i'm sure some of the changes we're seeing started long before she landed back on our doorstep—i'm just glad to see them. there are other issues we're not so happy about, but for now, a step in the right direction. it has, however, caused quite a bit of upheaval in our household. things will find their way to new routines and so on, but we're definitely working our way through it all. and, of course, more people running around in the same space always seem to take up more of your time even if you don't interact that much. i've noticed this on days when saxy is home. i can still be at the computer doing the same things as days when he's not home and get less of it done even if he's in his own space and not interrupting me. it's just a weird thing. add in days when i'm watching my grandson, or weekends when squirrely will be visiting, and, yea, i'm having timing issues again.

i will get back on track, its just been a rough week or two. so much stress in addition to the weather issues (storm headaches, gray day blahs) and lack of momentum to keep me moving when nothing else will. i know the old habits will come back, this is just an interruption on the way to getting them back. i had some smaller ones in the first week or so of the month and managed to swing back. these last couple of bumps were just a bit bigger then the earlier ones and might take a bit more oomph to swinging back.

it's just a rough week. it doesn't need to turn into a rough six months.