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disappearing
thursday, june 1, 2017


it's not intentional, but it seems all i do a lot of disappearing these days. and it's not just here or on my author site. i haven't managed to write much, my to do lists aren't getting as much crossed off. it's not like i'm not doing anything—i'm actually pretty busy, just not with the things i was busy with before last year. i'm trying to get back to some of them, but my days get eaten up, and the next thing i know, it's after midnight, and i'm tired, and it's time to grab a book and curl up in bed.

most my days start with feeding the cats their wet food, tinkering in the garden and a work out. i'm currently focusing on toning and building muscle (which means my weight loss goal for the year is unlikely to happen). i've been at it for 10 days and have already lost as much as 1" from my most recent highest peak. i'm not 100% sure yet, but i'm thinking of sticking with this for awhile, maybe as long as a year or so. not expecting the same kin of results all the time, but with the way i've been stuck on the weight loss, and the need to lose fat being more important than weight, this is something i can get non-scale victories more frequently.

the garden is finally doing well, even amazing for some things, but it takes a bit of time. the squash gets morning sun, then gets moved so the peppers can get the afternoon and evening sun, then the peppers are moved so the squash can be put back to catch the sun the next morning. and that's just moving things around. i also work on trellising tomatoes and squash that climbs, sprits with lemon soap water against bugs, and so on. i spend at least 30 minutes out there after feeding the cats and before the workout, then another 20-30 minutes after the workout, and finally another 20 minutes when moving the squash back in just about every day. my photos, which i also take almost every day, can be seen on instagram. :)

there's been a lot of learning this year that's been different than last year. i've figured out the containers i like, then realized i needed to drill my own drainage holes if i wanted things to survive and find a catch in case i needed to bring them in, played around with different kinds of trellises, and have realized that next year it'll be better to start everything in germination trays to avoid the early spring weather mess that slowed everything down this year. we're also learning a bit more patience since we started everything from seed, and we decided against a whole lot of herbs because of all the trouble we had with the weather. the good news is we're starting to see the beginning of a harvest: we've got tomatoes coming in. :)

after all that. it's a shower and chores, and spending time with the husband/family, and cooking dinner, and dishes. then i tend to wind down with tv and facebook (yea, i could find some time in there, if my brain weren't frying by then). doesn't seem like a lot, but we've got extra bodies in the house now too—youngest and grandson are back in the house at the moment. and it's weird, you may not have much contact with the extra bodies in the house, and yet somehow they still suck time. in this case, though, i do end up interacting quite a bit with the baby since froggy has a more relaxed view of motherhood (translation: let him do just about anything he wants) than i do.

before baby and momma moved back in (hopefully temporarily, but at this point, who knows? the other grandma dropped him off supposedly for a week and decided not to take him back, and froggy's already lost a job because she didn't have reliable child care), i was trying to get back to writing and submitting and updating and all that. now it just feels like the time to do that is disappearing.

really, i look at that list of my day, and i just wonder where the heck the time goes. down some kind of black hole? it just doesn't seem like a lot of stuff. add in the baking i try to do once or twice a week to make sure hubs has breakfast, and, yea, maybe that tips it over, but in general, it's not a lot of stuff list wise. but it takes up a lot of time. it also takes up a lot of energy because by the end of the day, my oomph isn't just disappearing, it's gone. i've been goign to bed at least an hour (often more) earlier most nights these days.

so i suspect my posts at whysper (and at alden) are going to be sporadic for awhile longer. hopefully, though, they won't disappear entirely.

me, though? i'm disappearing now...to my bed.

~*~

word of the moment: kerasine :: resembling horn; horny; corneous

currently reading fiction: ink and bone / labyrinth / an earthly crown / kingfisher / immortal progeny
non-fiction: our revolution: a future to believe in / intuitive eating: a revolutionary program that works
big fit girl: embrace the body you have

~*~
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