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thursday, march 6, 2014
i have been oh so dragging for the last few weeks. the sad has been kicking in here and there, especially when there's been days upon days of gray, but it's not been the keep me in bed sad, just the slow seeping away of energy sad. i can get through what i need to, but it gets harder as the number of gray days continue and the energy levels get lower and lower. and it's been harder to get the stuff that's not necessarily required done as well. writing? not much. no energy, no motivation, can't wrap my head around anything. keeping to the new eating plan is hard too, and my weight is barely budging. lately, i can barely get through a workout. i've been hitting exhausted when i'm not doing anything exhausting. it's the damn weather.
it's driving me crazy.
i need warmth and sun. i got a taste yesterday, and oh my lord, did i feel so much better after that walk! soaking it in. it wasn't warm warm, but it was warm enough that when i got through 3/4ths of my walk, i was able to take the long sleeve shirt off and be comfortable in the sports bra/top. and even though i was tired from the walking, i was energized.
then today...the clouds are back, rain is falling, and it's freezing. and windy! had to go for my mammogram today and oh. my. lord. even under a jacket and wrap...cold cold cold. and rain. and wind. days like today make me want to pick up a heavy winter coat. one of those long ones.
supposedly the sun will be back this weekend. i hope so. i'm so tired of the gray and the wet and the drag and just...winter. i can't keep the apartment warm without doubling my electricity bill. and i really am solar powered. yesterday's energy boost proved it. and it's only been one day with the return of the gray so i still have some leftover energy from yesterday, but i dread going back to the drag.
at any rate, as a result of the winter drag, not a whole heck of a lot going this past week. honestly, it's a good thing there wasn't anything planned because i'd end up with all the enthusiasm of a wet cat. i just don't have the energy to deal with much right now.
i did have a doctor's appointment today (it's still so weird to say that after years of not having the insurance or funds for it) for a mammogram and bone density test. never had the density thing before. when they asked if i wanted to go ahead and do that today, my first thought was "i didn't prepare myself for pain today." lol turns out there's no pain: you lay down and pictures are taken as the arm of the machine passes over you. i'm expecting a call about the mammo: last time i had one with kaiser, they finally mentioned they were actually keeping an eye on something in my left breast (and apparently had been for 3 years, just no one said anything until that last one; because of that, i'm pretty sure it's a cyst since i'm prone to them). it's definitely going to get my pcp's attention, but we'll have to see where she wants to go and whether or not i can afford the coarse she wants to take. honestly? they are asking for kaiser's records, and my bigger hope is that there's still no change, so we can just continue to assume it's a cyst and nothing dangerous to worry about. in self-exams, i don't feel it. hubs hasn't mentioned it. so we'll see. i think the bone density test is because i'm in menopause.
so, that really is all the excitement this past week. i know, my life is soooo thrilling...not.
it'll be better when the winter drag is done and gone. to be fair, my life probably won't be any more exciting, but there will be energy again. and energy always makes a difference.
word of the moment: lamella
thin plate; a thin membrane that is one of the calcified layers that form bones; any of the radiating leaflike spore-producing structures on the underside of the cap of a mushroom or similar fungus