shoes & things
wednesday, april 11, 2012


i actually meant to write before this, but it's been busy, strangely enough. trying to get back into routines that fell apart months ago from stress and adding new things into those routines? not so easy. especially with saxy home the week after we moved and taz still waiting on transportation (he'll get back in school on friday). somehow just one of them underfoot tends to derail my days a little. both home, plus unpacking? a whole lot of crazy going on.

i did mentioned previously that there had been an unexpected shoe drop, so to speak, but i wanted to keep the last entry happy. and overall, even with the shoe, we're very happy here. unfortunately, linnorm lost his job, which means we're down $600/month in child support, which was helping go to the down payment for the house. at this point, we're going to be $750 short. which is not entirely because of the child support. saxy's job has been a week on, a week off, for a couple weeks now, and his checks from the one job that counts for the down payment have been $250 or less for two weeks of work. (the other job has generally been fantastic, but because it pays on 1099s right now, we can't use it against the down payment; if we could, there's be no problem.) i've contacted social security about the loss of income, but who knows if or when they'll restore any of of taz's ssi that they took away because of the support. hoping it will be by the 1st, but they aren't particularly known for speed.

i do feel for my ex who now has to hunt for a new job, which is hard enough when you're a younger worker. he's applying for unemployment, but that will only last so long, so i hope he finds something soon.

the other thing we lost with the job was medical insurance. it's something of a deal with taz since i've never used medicaid, but i've already researched a local family practice doctor. hopefully we can get him in to see him in the next month or so, and they can help us find what we need for psychiatry and his medicine needs. as for me? that's going to be a bit harder, but i've also looked into our medicines, and most are fairly inexpensive ($30 or less for 30 days). this is twice what we pay now for 1/3rd of the time, but it's less than i expected. except for one of taz's. he does have one med that's about $200/month. one of the reasons i'm hoping the family doctor can direct us as needed is because he can't just be dropped off his fluoxetine without problems. right now we have about 2 months worth of medicines, and there's at least one refill for most of them at kaiser. just going to have to get him taken care of and under the medicaid stuff as soon as possible. as for me, hopefully i'll lose enough weight in the next 3-6 months that i can get off my meds. in the meantime, i also have refills that aren't that expensive, and i might be able to take them over to walmart for the $4 refills. we'll see when we get there. in the meantime, the one thing i can't do is big ticket stuff like mammograms and whatnot. just not in the budget.

i do need to figure out a way to take care of glasses for all three of us and soon. this is going to be a bit difficult since mine will be $300 or more, even with cheap frames. bad distance sight and an astigmatism means thick, heavy lenses (even in the lighter weight plastic) and adds quite a bit to the expense. *sigh*

beyond that, i'm really happy in the new house, and i'm already feeling healthier. i can breathe, my energy is up, even that cats are feeling better and actually playing. the only one who seems less than enthusiastic is hubs, and i'm pretty sure that's a personality thing. i've tried to tell him to just take a moment and enjoy being out of nightmare house, but he just can't seem to do it. it makes me sad, but there's only so much i can do.

i know he's stressed about the money, especially since out "bill freedom" period is about to end (in a week or two, actually), and he's also recently had changes at the 1099 job that have him a bit freaked out as well. he doesn't take to changes well, and he's certain these are going to make him jobless either because he can't meet expectations or because somehow the business will screw up and get closed by the fda. again, that kind of reaction, that it'll all go wrong before it'll go right, is just a part of his make up. he's been like that since i met him, and the last few years have reinforced it. but i think everything will work out just fine, and he needs to chill a little and not stress out over it so much. his only other option is to go look for another job. assuming he can find the time to do so.

but for taz and i, we're doing fine. taz says he likes the new place better than the old place. his dog isn't so happy with it—she has trouble getting up on the hardwood floors. lol he's happy he's finally getting back into school on friday. in the meantime, he's been helping with cleaning and unpacking. i have some concerns about the money, but not nearly as much as saxy. for one, we have a roof over our heads even if we end up having to rent, and knowing we won't be tossed out on our rears is very reassuring. for two, unlike the down payment, money to pay the bills can come from anywhere, and i've become pretty good at shuffling. we have almost a full month's rent/mortgage in the savings account, and as long as we put $190/week away, that will be covered. i think we can do this once we get past the down payment.

also, neighbors! neighbors that like talking to their neighbors! two of them welcomed us the weekend we were moving in, and yesterday (and the day before for one), i took them some of my curried apple-butternut squash soup. one has threatened me with baked goods this weekend. lol it's very weird being part of a neighborhood where the neighbors actually talk to one another. i've not had to be in person social in years, so for me, it's really strange. which in itself strange when you take into account that a decade ago i was a very in person social person. anyway, one of the ladies knows of some living room furniture for us for free and may have a few other things as well (like a desk!). and we've all talked about having a "block party". we'd have to have it in one of their yards because otherwise we have to pay for permits. i've agreed to look into and maybe organize it. i'm thinking 4th of july weekend. or one of those weekends.

the realtor asked me some time ago if we were excited about the house. i said yes, but my subdued reaction probably said volumes about how uncertain i was to trust into getting into this place. yesterday, i called and thanked him with exuberance i haven't felt/expressed in years. i think he wasn't sure how to react. i also thanked the owner for letting us move in early. i think he wasn't sure how to react either. just too much exuberance in one person. ;)

and really, despite shoes dropping and other things, i am feeling more optimistic. i'm feeling more like the person i was before the weight of the old house and unemployment and bad health and all those other things crashed in on me. i like this person. kinda hoping she sticks around even after the house honeymoon is over. she should. even with the little quirks we're finding, I LOVE THIS HOUSE. i love the space, i love the sun, i love not having stairs and nasty carpet and bugs, i love having a bedroom i actually like being in. and i love that it's helping me feel more like me.