we're squeaking through the most recent financial implosion. still have a few things to worry about, but i think we've got most of it covered for now. this appears to be an end of the month kind of thing: rent is due and most of our utilities come due at the same time. if we could get the utilities caught up, that might help, but we're just not in a place to do that yet. saxy is in his last week or so of classes, and he'll have a month off between terms, so he'll be able to work more and hopefully help us catch up a bit. we do need to make sure to get at least another $125 (i've already given $25) to the school, but if he can get more hours, we should be able to be on slightly less shaky ground for a few weeks.
not that i'm holding my breath on that since whenever i do, something invariably goes wrong.
for now, i'm just glad we're managing to fumble through the most recent implosion. cable is still gone, but we might be able to fix that when he's working full time. might being the operative word. in the mean time, i am keeping everything else on, if not completely caught up, and that's a big accomplishment right now.
i haven't discussed it with saxy yet, but i'm seriously considering making the move we've been discussing around tax time even if the girls aren't ready. we just can't risk being left here and unable to make ends meet because we were helping them out, especially since keeping the family on its feet as a whole is not a priority for them. like i've said, i get them wanting their freedom, but to grab for that freedom even if it means their parents and brother will end up in a position that could put them out on the street? that bothers me A LOT, and unlike them, i can't risk that scenario for their brother. on top of that, youngest's child support goes bye-bye at the first of the year, and while i think linnorm and i can agree to another increase on taz's support, it won't cover that entire loss. i'm just glad that he's agreed to keep paying for taz. the boy is unlikely to leave our household, and i'm honestly not sure about how him working is going to work out, so it's nice to have his dad acknowledge we both have a responsibility to him. i'm sure there are plenty of men who would walk away when the kid hit 18 even though the kid has issues that will keep it from becoming independent.
anyway, so i think my new laptop might be on hold again so we can get into another place. we still want a house, but two bedrooms instead of three. we'll probably have to dump a lot of junk, but we have a lot of junk we're not using (especially saxy's tools—not being in construction any more has made most of them meaningless to hang onto and they're just rusting away in the garage). and we can let jewel stay on a bit longer if she needs to—she and froggy can share a room for a bit longer, or we can give her the second bedroom and sleep in the living room for a bit longer. my biggest concern is the furniture. because of this place, we'll have to start almost from scratch...i am NOT taking anything that will bring along unwelcome additions of the pest type. that means three new sets of mattresses at the very least.
all stuff to worry about then, i guess. it's got to happen though. this place is killing us financially. when the income gets cut again, it's going to be a lot harder to make it, and we have no idea what's going to happen with saxy job-wise once he's out of school. he could get a better job, but he could also end up staying at red lobster awhile longer and maybe even not getting any more hours. as much as i want to hope for the best, i have to think about the worst, and do what i can to prepare for it. one of these days, making it has to mean more than just barely scraping by because people are eating less than they should and i'm round-robining disconnect notices. one of these days, making it needs to mean we're paying things on time and able to afford "extras" like new clothes when people need them.
one day, we need to do more than just "make it".
~*~
word of the moment: indue
give qualities or abilities to, variant of endue—provide, endow, imbue, transfuse, put on, don
