didja miss me?
saturday, september 11, 2010


it has been a long month or so. no, really. i can't even remember everything that's gone on recently, only that it's been tight financially, a roller coaster with the employment, and painful healthwise.

one of the big things is that i recently lost dragyncat. the laptop loads up to a black screen with an unblinking, unmoving cursor, sits there a few minutes, then shuts down. i had just backed up my writing and e-mail a few days previous, so i didn't lose much there, but i did lose A LOT of other things, and i'm quite annoyed with myself. i've been told the stuff can probably be recovered from the hard drive, but it'll cost me money to do that, and we don't even have money for the glasses i need, much less pulling stuff off my dead laptop. i will never buy a hp computer again. i only had this 18 months, and the one before that had the screen fritz in a month. and this was supposedly an "entertainment" machine. so, yea, very unhappy. as much as i don't need all that power, i'd really like to get an alienware (assuming they're still any good since dell bought them out) or maybe an asus or lenovo. my dell lasted over a decade and is only out of commission because i can't upgrade the o.s. right now it serves to store stuff i haven't managed to pull of it yet. course, right after i bought it, dell started putting out crap machines and customer service went to hell. we know because my husband got one.

anyway, it's going to be awhile before i can replace the laptop. in the meantime, i'm using my older girls' machines when they're not. limits my time online and for my writing, but it's working...sorta. i really have problems with jewel's machine—it's much too small and my hands/wrists hate me when i use it. at least i can the things done that i need to and do my writing, but i really want back on my own machine, and i'm not sure if i care if it's a laptop or a desktop at the moment. i just need it to be able to connect via wifi. and not fall apart on me in less than 2 years. it's going to be awhile, though. we need a car first. and when it does happen, it probably won't be one of the $2000+ machines i want.

i've had a whole bunch of health things going on, most of which are just continuations of previous stuff. my weight has been a huge problem, finding time to exercise has been impossible because i am uncomfortable with doing it when saxy's around and he's been around almost 24-7, and it's been way too hot to ask him to stay in the garage (though he does anyway sometimes to get homework done). i've had issues turning my schedule around so i can make sure the kids are up to get to their buses. and my house is definitely toxic to me. i go out and i can breathe fine; i come home and i'm almost immediately congested. i still have one tooth that needs a root canal and i'm almost positive there's a lingering infection there, so i'm practically living on pain killers. i try not to complain too much—things are what they are for us right now, and complaining certainly won't improve anything, but there are days i just want to bury myself in the bed and never come out. i'm tired of being tired, sick, sore, and everything else. and monday and wednesday i have doctor appointments that i'm sure aren't going to go well because i've been a bit spotty on the meds because of money.

the finances have been horrendous. saxy's school has cut him off from registering because we're so far behind on payments, but i can't hand them $100/month when i can barely pay the rent and my utilities only get paid when we get a disconnect notice. we're doing okay on food, but it's become more expensive of late. where prices haven't gone up, packaging has gotten smaller, so either way we end up paying more. and of course, we need to make sure saxy has what he needs to practice and play. i think we've gone up about $250/month in food costs. might not be a lot to most people, but it's killer for us. i don't even want to go into the nightmare paying rent has become. the only blessing is that our landlord is working with us on it. i have been fighting tooth and nail to survive financially most of my life, but this has been the worst i've ever seen it. it's just bad.

there is finally a light on the horizon, but even that almost didn't happen. saxy was called for an interview at the st. regis for a part time/seasonal position, and he did really well in the interview. then his drug test came back with "too much water in the urine" and they told him he didn't get the job and no, they would not let him retest even though there's a half dozen reasons other than trying to fool the drug test for that kind of result. in saxy's case, he drinks a lot of water because he sweats A LOT, especially down here where the heat AND the humidity are high. and the day before the test, he was working construction, so was drinking even more water than usual. the whole thing was devastating for all of us. then they called over the weekend and said there had been a mistake in the paperwork and the job was his if he still wanted it! finally, some sunshine is the run of bad luck that started with the loss of the car!

yes, this job is only pt/seasonal, but it has the possibility of going ft/permanent. and even if it doesn't, it's the st. regis! a fortune 500 company! one of the most prestigious hotels in the world, as well as one of the oldest luxury hotels. not only will he get some much needed r.l. experience with a company that will not fuck around with his paychecks, but he'll get a real boost to his resume! and he's being paid $11/hour with a minimum of 3 days a week. we were expecting MAYBE $9/hour considering his lack of restaurant experience. AND school is important. they've made it clear they don't want to mess around with that. this is an amazing opportunity for him, and he's already shown them that he's serious about going full time if at all possible: he cut his hair to their full time staff requirements. a portion of his first few paychecks will need to be used for hemming his pants and getting new uniforms since his old ones are stained, but we'll manage it somehow—put in a pair of pants at a time, buy one coat and one pair of pants at one time. i think if we spread it out like that, we should be able to pick up what he needs. as long as they do have him working at least three 8 hour shifts a week, anyway. tonight's his first night there and it's only 4 hours to help him get his feet wet in a new, unfamiliar kitchen. our only other concern right now is him getting home, but i'm sure we'll work out those details so that it's not too much of a problem/concern/worry.

and if he manages to get ft/p with these guys, so much good will come of it. fortune 500 means BENEFITS! as in health, dental, and vision, plus a 401k (or similar). i told saxy that if he does go ft/p, it might end up being hard letting it go to open his own place just because of the bennies. lol but, really, trying not to think that far ahead, not with our luck. right now, i'm just glad he has even a part time job that will give him some substantial credit on his resume when it's done.

but hopefully, this is the beginning of things turning back around for us again. the year started off pretty well (despite not getting the house at the end of last year), it would be really nice if it ended really well too. i doubt we'll do much of a christmas this year—it's just been too hard financially, but knowing we can take care of our needs would be a big improvement over worrying about them the way we have over the summer.

and just maybe i can post more often with less depressing entries. ;)