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ready for peace
monday, december 29, 2008

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for almost a week now, we've had more people in and out of this house than we have all year. we've had guest since christmas day. and we've had more activity and food than the rest of the year combined. well, maybe not so much on the food there, but i think you get the point. it's part of the traditions of the last few years in particular to get inundated from about thanksgiving on, and to go into overdrive for the week of christmas to new year's.

and i'm ready for it to be done with. i have a tradition of taking down the tree on january 6th -- twelfth night -- and i was ready to start putting all the holiday things away yesterday. and, no, it's not usually like that. usually i'm not ready to put things away even by twelfth night.

for most of the last year in particular, the house has been quiet. we haven't had to deal with jewel's tantrums, and either i was too sick or we were too broke to do much for most of the year. we've not had company over, not gone out too much, not had major screaming matches except maybe twice this whole year (froggy has become a hormonal teenager, you know). as much as i miss being social, i needed the quiet this year, and, in the end, got used to it.

even having kitten move in hasn't changed it too much. we sometimes see her friends on weekends, especially fitts, but more of the time she packs the baby up and spends the weekend with them. she occasionally has me watch the baby while they go places where the baby can't go, but that happens less now than when she first moved out. she's been learning not to press her friends on us. saxy would prefer not to deal with people much, and while i don't mind it, i'm usually too distracted with my writing or whatever to be much company. she insists on the introduction, but after that, if we're not into having people over, she generally acquiesces.

yes, it does seem more like being in shell than i used to be, but i'm not really so bothered by it. when i was younger, oh yea, i would have been immensely bothered. but now? no, not so much. i prefer quieter activities that don't require a lot from me -- writing, reading, playing on the playstation. hell, i don't even much like shopping anymore (which, honestly, may have more to do with the bad back and lack of money than the shopping itself).

but more than all that right now, i just want some peace and quiet. some moments when there isn't always another person in the room, or even in the house. i want the husband at work, the guest gone home, the kids back at school, and kitten off to her job. the baby and i have a morning routine worked out that actually works well for us, so she can stay. ;)

this craving started small a few days ago, but it's growing. a need for alone time, down time, whatever time you want to call it.

i might get close to some time tomorrow. the husband and the oldest are working, and the guest may take froggy and taz to the park. even better, all this might occur right around the baby's nap, so i'd get two hours of peace. here's hoping i do. and here's hoping it's enough to tide me over until we can get back to the regular routine without the pressure of all the extra people all the time.

forget being ready for peace. i need it. even a small bit of it.

and if i don't get it soon, i just may end up throwing everyone out of the house, willing or not. :P


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word of the moment: fraught

causing or characterized by emotional distress or tension, uneasy; laden, well supplied or provided; full of or accompanied by something specified
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