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full house?
monday, may 19, 2008

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it appears i may end up with all four kids back under my roof, at least briefly. second oldest needs a place to stay for a couple of weeks once school is out. in june she'll be moving in with the new boyfriend, c3. not sure why he wants to wait the extra 2 weeks, but he's been very good for her so i'm not going to make a fuss over it. she's still flighty, but seems to be becoming at least a little more grounded. and he seems to be bringing out the best in her.

meanwhile, oldest is making plans to evacuate. she and her husband have been going through counseling as required by the military, but it's pretty obvious he's only "in" the marriage when forced. she wants this to work, and i can't fault her for that -- she loves him very much, more than he deserves if his behavior towards her is any indication -- but one person wholeheartedly in the relationship and the second person only in because he's being told to be isn't the recipe for a good, stable, lasting marriage.

a lot of these problems started while trin was in iraq. this is understandable. newly weds separated by war, brand new baby in the mix, not a whole lot of opportunity to build a solid foundation. his anger problems started to show up while he was in iraq. he was ordered to go into anger management and never did. since coming home, he's gotten more and more disrespectful of her. he prefers to hang out with friends that don't want her around. he gets angry when she surprises him by walking 7 miles to visit him for lunch at work. he goes out drinking and stays out the whole night and never calls.

she's admitted to having created some of the issues as well, and she wants to work on them and fix them, but he blames her for everything. when he does admit to being a jerk, he doesn't apologize for his behavior and his treatment of her. she's alone most of the time, crying most of the time, and hanging on as much to keep from having to raise her daughter as a single parent as she loves him. but single parenthood is far preferable than allowing your child to see this kind of abuse and having him or her grow up and think it's okay.

and now it's getting worse. why? trin wants to be a rapper. he wants a contract and all that good stuff. but he's just proven that adage that fame and fortune only make you more of what you are. apparently one of his songs hit the radio in hawaii on thursday. he's understandably jazzed about this, but he went to celebrate with friends who do not want his wife around. his wife who loves him very much, has supported his rap career, and deserves to celebrate with him more than his friends do. but he chose friends over his family. and didn't come home. when she called to find out where he was at, his friends lied and said they had no idea. he refused to pick up his cell phone or respond to text messages. when he does finally get home (and leaves again because a friend had an accident, then returns home again) and she tries to explain how all this made her feel, he blames her!

my daughter has finally, and wisely, decided to get out for at least a few months. she's not giving up on the marriage, but hoping that being away from her will give him a kick in the pants. honestly, i don't see that happening. i don't know what his major malfunction is, but he's been ready to bail on this marriage practically since he returned from iraq. maybe he's feeling too much pressure having a wife and child while still so young. maybe it's just the pressures of having married too quickly and having a child so soon in the marriage. maybe the whole rap thing has him thinking he's better than her and can do better than her. maybe it's all of the above. whatever it is, i don't think a few months away is going to do anything more than make him feel relieved. my husband and i separated and that kick in the pants made him a better husband. i don't think trin is going to see this as a kick in the pants.

regardless, the plan so far is for her to come out here. she is still looking around to possibly visit or stay in cali for awhile, see some friends, maybe settle in there, but i think she'd be better here anyway -- and she has asked me to "make some room" for her and the baby. i can watch the baby while she goes to work and school or whatever she needs to do. she'll have us as support. her dad loves her, but he's just not as good at the emotional support thing. and the cost of living is way cheaper out here (and who can beat free babysitting with a grandma who has a little experience raising kids?) she still has to finalize things and the tickets for her a baby cat still need to be purchased, so there's a very big possibility that the two older girls won't both be here at the same time -- which is probably a good thing. last thing this house needs is for the two of them to go at it. even without both older girls, it'll be a full house: 3 of my children plus a grandbaby that's about 18 months?

very full indeed. but safe.


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word of the moment: largo

a composition or passage that is to be performed in a slow and dignified manner; very slow in tempo and broad in manner; slowly and broadly

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