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bravery
friday, march 14, 2008

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i deserve a medal today. but more about that in a bit.

i pretty much slept off my last post. i mean, i literally slept the day away. i was still pretty depressed when the hub came home, but the mood started to clear up by late that evening. it could have been worse, considering how bad things are. saxy has some ideas on how to work a few things out to make it better and oldest may help as well--depends on whether or not they actually can help. the truck is gone, but, if we can get the car taken care of, that means a lower tank bill. not so much room for saxy's work equipment, but we'll take the lower cost of driving over space right now, assuming we can get the car running, insured, and registered. the last 2 will cost about $400.

but i'm going to try not to worry about it too much. saxy has an idea of how to finagle everything. let's just hope it all works out. and that we can get groceries at the same time. there is nooooooothing in the house right now except a few leftovers for lunch and maybe something for dinner tonight--no milk, no eggs, no bread, no cereal. oh! we do have the 50 pound bag of rice we got at sam's club.

anyway, j.e. has helped with transportation since the repo. and he'll continue to do so when he can. he couldn't today, thus saxy is home and sulky and on nicotine withdrawals. i tried to get him to do some yard work, but, um, it's raining. so i am stuck with sulky boy until his check arrives and he walks up to the bank and goes to get some groceries (not many because it's quite a walk).

maybe i should get a medal just for being home with mr. cranky. :P

really, i love my husband, but i guess i'm not allowed to worry about him. whenever i express concern, he snaps at me.

maybe it's the lack of nicotine talking. i would like him to quit smoking again because of health and financial issues (a pack is up to $5!!?? lord), but i suspect being forced to quit from lack of money is not the best way to go.

which actually does lead into my true bravery for the day...sort of.

i have this long, VERY curly, but also VERY heavy hair. the weight of it takes most of the curl out when it gets long, despite the fact that we use layers and whatnot to lighten it up some. eventually, it just gets kind of oddly curvy/fuzzy at the bottom and pretty flat on top--which is one reason i tend to sleep on it right after i've washed it. it ends up fuller and curlier as long as i don't brush it out. once i brush it out, we're back to the fuzzy pyramid on my head. it's actually really annoying. i'd rather have that nice hispanic hair that is either curly-wavy or straight, but, i got what i got.

hair cuts tend to make me crazy with it too. honestly, most stylists do NOT know how to cut curly-curly hair, and most don't realize how curly my hair is when i first come in because the weight drags it down so they just don't see it. i warn them, but, in general, it doesn't usually help much, especially since i could never afford to go to those expensive salons where the stylists get high end training. so, most stylists cut too much off, the hair springs up, and i almost look like a poodle. and it's so thick that i can't look at the floor after a cut--it always looks like they took off even more than they did and i freak. i don't particularly want short, poodle curly hair, thank you.

(and i'm sure you all can see where this is leading too?)

my hair has gotten so long since my last cut, that even the cheap places would charge extra for cutting it, and we just can't afford $25+ for me to cut my hair at the moment. but it seriously needs a cut--there's at least 3-4" of dead, dry, splitting, otherwise damaged stuff on the ends making the whole flat hair thing worse. and it's driving me nuts--it's fly away and in my face a lot, and the ends do not feel soft and comfy.

so, today we cut it, and i do not mean the royal we. i sat on a chair, leaned over, brushed it all forward, got the cut started, and had saxy finish it. while i realize it is probably not straight, it's straighter than anything i could do in that position. 3-6" (actually, probably closer to 7-8" in the back) hacked off. it's drying shorter than i would like, but not nearly as short as i fear. pulling it all forward allowed for it to do a gradual lengthening towards the back and kept a small bit of the layering. and right now it's doing the tradition "FLY AWAY! BE FREE!" thing along with a dose of "FUZZZZZZZYYYY!" because of the rain, but it's not looking that bad, just in my face a lot.

any woman who gets as freaky as i do about having their hair cut, who allows any man in the throws of nicotine withdrawals cut her hair deserves a medal.

on the upside, i'm okay with it. like i said, it's not nearly as short as i feared, and i know the fuzziness with reduce as it gets used to not being so heavy.

still, i want that medal. anyone got one?


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word of the moment: ergomania

excessive devotion to work especially as a symptom of mental disorder; a passion for working, esp. excessive; also called workaholism

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