sometimes i just have to remember that this time of year is always bad. even when i'm working, it's always bad because i wasn't getting called in to sub as much in january as the rest of the year. and construction is the same--there's this winter slow down that hits hard after the holidays.
so things are looking up. some of this is from mcat. he called and rather hesitantly offered saxy some work. i can understand his hesitance. apparently the new wife, dcat, is reading whysper--and this is fine, but i have posted quite a bit of anger here over the last couple of years (which is my right to do--it's my space, my journal, and i've always held that if someone doesn't like what they're reading, they can just stop reading). saxy and i did feel a little ambushed with the phone call (which is one reason why i delayed writing anything on it, actually), but there was no drama over it. in fact, there seemed to be, from what saxy said when the call was over, a deliberate effort to avoid making any drama over it, which i greatly appreciate. nothing dampens the desire to write here than drama over what i write, but i need this place. it keeps me sane, even if my writing has dropped off a bit recently. i've been told in the past to just lock it up, post, and keep it to myself, but i don't want to do that either. as long as what i write isn't illegal or encouraging illegal things, i shouldn't have to lock it up. like i said, it's my space.
anyway, the money issue seems to be being solved by saxy going through dcat. since she's the one paying the workers for the work done on the house, it makes sense. and saxy tells me the little bit of time he's spent with mcat on the job has gone well. he's not coming home unhappy and cranky because of bullshit that's been pulled, he's not having to drive all over creation, and he seems generally to be doing much better than previously. maybe they just needed the space to try to redefine the relationship, maybe it's that saxy isn't technically an employee anymore, or maybe reading this journal has had an impact, i don't know. whatever happened, right now things are going good. and the work is getting us through this nasty dry spell. nothing major, but we're buying food, managing to pay bills before they get disconnected (with the exception of the cable--haven't had a check/advance that big yet, but we can live with it for now). things are looking up, if a bit slowly, and that's what matters.
the kids generally seem to be doing better these days as well. froggy is finally back on her meds and the higher dose actually does seem to be helping her stay on track a bit more. i'm also going to try changing the reward system we have with her a bit by doing something or giving her a treat daily--something extra after dinner like some fruit or something else of that nature. maybe if we try daily rewards for a bit, the weeks will be more successful. she does eventually need to get the sticky fingers under control, but working by weeks isn't going as well as it should. and i have noticed that stress REALLY brings out the problem. so maybe something more daily can help combat that.
other than that, however, she is doing better even after only a few days of being back on her meds. her focus is definitely better, and the constant chatter isn't so constant. i think we're quite lucky she has such a forgiving and cheerful personality, or i could see her going the route jewel did, but she really seems to want to fix this. and she's made a major step: admitting to it when caught (and the first time she did that was before she was back on meds). jewel was persistent in her innocence even when there was no way anyone else could have done whatever it was we had caught. hopefully she'll keep up the improvement.
jewel has kept in touch sporadically as well and seems to be doing well. she's struggling a bit financially, but she's back in school and seems to have her head on straight with regards to getting through it all. she's pretty busy since she's still working and going to school as well now. no longer living with the boyfriend and his mother is probably helping as well--she's now at a friend's house. a friend whose parents seem to have their heads on straight and whom we seem to see fairly close to eye-to-eye with when it comes to raising kids. for example, they called us when jewel was spreading her version of how horrible we were to her. and they are the ones who insisted she get back in school if she stayed with them this time around. hopefully they will continue to be a good influence on her and help her get on her feet. lord knows we couldn't do it.
physically i'm doing better as well. the period from hell finally stopped after 15 or 16 days. the odd thing was that i wasn't any more tired during it than usual and i didn't get sick. in the past, my 5 day periods would wipe me out and i always ended up down with something. maybe my body is finally kicking in and making the iron i need? that would be so nice--maybe i can get off the vitamins and extra iron one day.
okay, not really holding my breath on that, but, still, things are looking up all around. we're still here. still worried about the rent, but we're managing and i'm sure things will work out for that too.
word of the moment: fortitude
strength of mind that enables one to endure adversity with courage.