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the suckage starts
wednesday, january 16, 2008


the on again, off again, on again job is off again. j.e. had the crew (including saxy) go over to the houses to get started, but they had to wait for the materials to arrive--materials that j.e. arranged to get there. while they were waiting, j.e. received a text message from the builder saying that he had been under bid and no longer had the job. while they were packing up to leave, the other crew (who had no idea that another group had originally been given the contract) started to arrive. what's worse is j.e. has to go in for surgery on his shoulder, so he can't even take the time to find new jobs right now. saxy is officially out of work, we're pretty much out of money and almost out of food, and my job isn't earning yet. even if saxy started working tomorrow, we'd not see a paycheck in time to pay rent.

we're pretty much screwed.

i'm sure saxy's family will step in if asked, but it's like...again? i mean, really, his folks should be taking it easy and doing the things they want to do, not worrying about whether their son and grandchildren have a roof over their heads and food in their mouths. and they're on a fixed income, so helping stresses out their finances as well. besides, they recently put up the money for the insurance saxy needed to work construction. no one knew the bottom would fall out of the housing industry the way it has, but i still feel bad that they put up this money and now it's useless. and we just put in at least $4-500 on the tools he needs to get more work and be paid better. no one expected the industry to go belly up like this so quickly.

and saxy...saxy finally has some skill at a job that pays well and that job has pretty much disappeared. he's got to be feeling like shit. j.e. will give him a good reference, but it won't be enough to get him a job that will pay him $16/hour or more. he's looking for work, any work--driving, grocery store, whatever. he's even considering calling mcat to find out if he's still got work available. problem is, we're almost certain mcat will find a way to screw us--charge us for something or pay saxy less just because he knows saxy needs this job. he's been like this. and he's bitching about his own money situation, so he'll find a way to get the work he needs done but for less.

even going back to school is not an option for us right now--i've got the highest degree you can have for the kinds of aid we'd need to cover expenses and we certainly don't need any more loans on our hands. and saxy has to pay for and pass his first semester completely on his own to get any aid. even if we managed to get into school, it wouldn't help in time.

we've already lost our cable. the phone bill is due friday, and at&t doesn't give leeway, period. i've tried. and the things is, we have to pay the bill for my job. so the half of the tiny pay check saxy was going to reserve for rent is now going to the phone. even with the money, we'd be short on rent. i figure we'll scrape up the rest of the rent somehow, we might get the utilities taken care of for another month, but after that we are so screwed. mcat is even taking back the truck (his current truck is, apparently, a bigger gas guzzler than the one he's loaned us, so has to go), which is sooooo okay by us in so many ways, but our other vehicle still isn't working or registered and we don't have the money for the parts it needs.

so saxy has a month to find a job that will get us by, and that doesn't look likely in the economy. people all over are getting laid off. i suppose if we wanted to move down to new orleans, we'd both find work, but we don't have the money to move and there's taz to consider.

i keep trying to tell myself it'll get better, that things always seem to work out for us--he'll find a job, i'll sell something for more than $10 to keep us afloat a bit longer, something will happen to keep us from ending up homeless, but it's not helping much. i know i've complained about this house--the lack of insulation, the useless back yard, and so on--but it's the only house we have. we get evicted, we'll be on the streets with no way to fix it. i know i can't let all this defeat me--we've got time, not much time, but time, and i'm sure we've got people who will attempt to help out, but i'm scared. really scared.

which is probably the suckiest part of it all.


word of the moment: fortitude

strength of mind that enables one to endure adversity with courage.

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