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sunday, january 13, 2008

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for someone who doesn't do a whole lot, i certainly seem to always have something going on and going crazy. the last couple of days were wiped out by storms, migraines, a doctor appointment, and other concerns. nothing major by itself, but all this stuff combined makes for one big headache.

the appointment was nothing major. froggy needed to go in and see her doctor to get her meds refilled. unfortunately, she also needed to have blood drawn and she's freakier about needles than i am (and i have climbed walls and startled doctors with my reactions). and this time she reacted badly, REALLY badly, so we kept her home for the rest of the day and let her take it easy. we don't usually do that but even saxy felt it wouldn't be a good idea to send her to school--and he'd usually be the one to push to get her in. when he's that concerned, i take notice. (sounds bad, i'm sure, but it's not really.)

gentlemen may wish to skip the next paragraph. ;)

at the same time, i've started my annual period. it's going on 10 days now. now, i've tried not to whine about it--once or twice a year works for me, even if it is 10 or more days. last time we freaked out and i went to the doctor, and she gave me something to taper it off and told me that i'd probably have one the following month that would be even heavier as my body tried to "catch up", as it were. i didn't. it's been more than 6 months--probably pretty close to a year. the good news is the bleeding isn't anywhere near as heavy as i'm used to for one of my typical periods (as in, i'll bleed to death over the next 3 days, heavy). i think this is a little heavier than should be usual, but not by much. my concern now is that it's steady and not showing any signs of abating. i'm sure it will eventually, and i don't feel any more tired than usual--and i'm keeping up on my multivitamin. if i were dropping in energy and showing signs of my anemia getting worse, i'd be concerned, but right now i just don't want to rock the insurance boat any more than it is. if it continues without tapering off at all for much longer, i'll have to give in, renew my visitor status, and go in. i've just got to figure out how much longer "not much longer" actually is. :P

and now there are concerns about lilley. the owner of the press is going through some things and is becoming visibly more scarce. i'm not allowed to freak yet--the first 2 books won't be ready for a few months so he has some time to get back on the ball, but it's got me a bit unnerved. right now, lilley is all i have. it's not making any money yet, but i can see it doing very well since it's the only canadian small press specializing in speculative fiction--almost everything else is literary, romance, or erotica, or going into romance and erotica after being into other genres. and i do understand where he's at with what's going on, but he has a commitment and a responsibility to his employees and our authors. that has to go on despite anything he's dealing with personally. he's mentioned that lilley is one of the few things he really enjoys working on lately, but i don't see it. a couple of us have contacted him about it, so we'll see what happens. really, trying not to be worried about it. really. honestly.

stop looking at me like that. :P

then there's saxy's work situation, which has gone back and forth like a tennis ball. he ended up working this weekend, thank god because i seriously don't think we'd have made it 2 weeks without something coming in. i'm starting to get worried about utilities and rent. our cable was just cut off and i can't do anything about it--any money he gets has to go to gas for the truck/car and food. he was supposed to start tomorrow, then he wasn't going to work at all this week as both houses looked like they were going to fall through (the builder added about $4000 of beam work to what he wanted done, but didn't want to pay for it, so j.e. told him no way), and now everything came back through and he's working again. with the speed of the changes, i could get some serious whiplash. the whole thing does point out, however, that $16/hour or not, this is turning into a serious problem. which is another reason i need lilley to work out.

i know somehow we'll make it through all this. somehow we always managed. but it's a lot to have going on, and none of it counts the other things i do or take care of--my writing and the workshop, the kids, the webwork on hold because the site tech support needs to take care of a few things, the various personal projects that are things i do as much for me as for others (most of which are now being neglected for various reasons). most of these things are going okay, but they still need my time and add to the things swirling around in my brain.

i swear, one of these days, all these things are just going to swirl out of my head and that'll be it. or my brain will explode from over stuffing. or something.


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word of the moment: fortitude

strength of mind that enables one to endure adversity with courage.

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