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frustrated
thursday, january 10, 2008

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you know, i'm very aware that i've been pretty lucky this past year and have had relatively few migraines. and me being without migraines means there's not been that much stormy weather, so the water shortage in georgia has been my gain. even so, i honestly could do without them. as much as georgia needs the rain, i don't want to deal with the head problems. the only time it's not an issue is when the weather stays ugly. my head seems to adjust and the migraine goes away. unfortunately, in georgia, the drama queens (er, storms) do not stay. they come in, throw their tantrums, and often leave the same day.

which is why i was off-line yesterday. stupid storm had come in the night before, rained and was all flashy and noisy for maybe 30 minutes, then left. today? a new storm has rolled in. for the time in between the two, i was in bed, curled up, trying not to be sick. today, the pain is hovering, waiting to hit me again, but i have to work. i'm already behind on my current lp project and it's already going slower than i expected. if lp is ever going to make me any money, i've got to be here today and work.

and, no, i don't have any migraine specific medication. i have tylenol, which is good...for normal pain. it can take the edge off a migraine, but squash it? nope. not without overdosing, anyway (and i can't tell you how many times i've been tempted just to make the pain go away). and, no, i can't get any. not only are we having affordability issues for my meds, but we may end up with insurance issues before all is said and done. the cali kaiser has warned linnorm that they shouldn't be covering us at all.

now, this scares me. i shouldn't be without meds (especially the heart medication), but have shown i can do it. the kids are another story. froggy might be able to go without her meds long term. it's harder for everyone all around, especially her, i'm sure, but she could do it. taz, on the other hand, NEEDS his meds. he needs them to help regulate his behavior. he needs them to help him get any sleep at night. and, for at least one of his meds, taking him off would just be bad, bad, bad. prozac has nasty affects when dropped. the other thing with taz is that he needs to have a team of doctors working with him and us--psych services, pediatricians, and anything else that will help him function better despite the autism and the adhd. he's in an established relationship with his psych doctor, at the very least, and we're all used to the process at kaiser. and, to be honest, using county services scares the bejeezus out of me. sorry folks, but nine times out of ten county services just aren't to par. i'm not sure i would be comfortable with any switch, but know that a switch to county services is too big of a risk, as far as i'm concerned. hell, they may not even cover the meds he uses and we'd have to put him through that whole round of medication shuffling again. too stressful for everyone by far.

by agreement (and not just between linnorm and i--the county has weighed in on it as well), linnorm is supposed to provide insurance for the kids, so we're just going to have to find some way to make it work. i hope.

i'm sure the frustration isn't help my head much right now. all i want to do is crawl back into bed and i can't. and it doesn't help that my body has finally decided to have a period or that i may not get al the money i need today to pay an overdue bill and for the kids' meds.

bed is sounding better and better by the minute.


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word of the moment: fortitude

strength of mind that enables one to endure adversity with courage.

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