tough times
monday, november 26, 2007

it's been a rough few days and it's about to become a little rougher, though not in the same way

oldest and baby cat left on saturday morning, but it didn't really hit me until the evening. i managed to keep myself busy most of the day with writing related stuff that's been ignored for awhile, but once i was off the computer it was a little harder to not think about. all weekend, i kept expecting to hear baby cat's chatter from the bed room and it was very odd when it didn't come. her room sounds all empty without her stuff and the baby's crib, the bathroom we shared seems colder somehow. everything is less full right now, actually, including the fridge.

anyway, i'm doing better today with her being gone, mostly because i started my new routine and the hub's home, so it doesn't feel nearly as empty as i thought it would. and i'm listening for the baby a little less too.

but i still wish my baby were here. i miss her and i get sad every time i think about it. knowing that she will be back for christmas is making it a bit easier--i'm going to be a much bigger mess when she leaves then. after that, she heads back to hawaii and god knows when i'll see her and the baby again.

we're also heading into a tough time financially. i know i bitch about finances a lot, but this is looking a bit more scary than usual. i've already quit at the district level so i can get my retirement money, and now saxy's work is on a slow down. even if i were still listed for the district, it wouldn't help much. no transportation is no transportation, period; but now we're going to be skating with no income some weeks. we still have a lot of christmas dinner things to take care of too, so it may not even be a very good christmas when kitten and family comes down, and that's kind of depressing too.

then there's the housing crash. we're just praying that doesn't affect him since he's not in the actual building part of things. if it does, we're really screwed because i don't see money coming in from lilley press for at least 6 months, and it'll be at least a couple of years before it's GOOD money. we'll get through, we always do, but i'm definitely uneasy about this one. thank goodness i have about $2400 of my retirement money coming to me (the rest goes to the government). of course, there is at least one upside to him being home--i can work on my writing a little longer.

i don't even want to think about tax time. we can't pay a dime.

to try to help a little, i'm keeping the heat down, but it sure does get cold in a house with no insulation. it's gray, cold, and wet today and it should be like that a bit more consistently now, which means the expensive gas bill will be starting very soon regardless.

on another note, i'm doing holidailies again. not sure if i'll have anything interesting to say, but there it is. i should actually have time for it if i manage to keep to my new routine.

which, by the way, also includes exercising in the morning and trying to adjust my eating habits a little more. this is going to be tough on me since exercise and i tend to not get a long, and food? i LOVE food. but i'm having trouble going up just 4 lousy steps without being winded. my blood pressure is too high and needs medications i just can't afford. and then there's taz. i doubt he'll ever be able to live alone, and i'm just not to hip on him going to a residency program (and i couldn't afford it either). i have to get back to healthy so i'm around for awhile. the rate my body is falling apart is a bad sign. i'm not even talking about losing weight, just about getting as healthy as i can be.

i'd love to include reducing the stress in all that, but tough times make that one unlikely any time soon. :P

word of the moment: accension

the act of kindlingor setting on fire, or the state of being kindled; inflammation; ignition

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