nerves
thursday, may 31, 2007

in the face of my lack of success in getting hired by the district over the last 2 years, and the lack of response to my resumes in the freelance field over the last month, i'm not handling not one but TWO job interviews coming up at all well. and there's not just lack of confidence going here, but the whole idea that i might pick the wrong one and end up screwing over my family even more.

the first interview is this friday -- er, tomorrow. on the one hand, i think this is the job i really want. how can i not know for sure? well, i'm not 100% positive the job is what i think it is: an internship as an editor. for all i know, it'll be an internship in cover making or trash picking, neither of which i'd go for. but assuming it IS what i hope/think it is, the other problem is that word: internship. granted, this is a paid internship, but that could mean 6.50/hour just because it is an internship. minimum pay for an editor runs around $20-$25, give or take. 5.50 is a lot of take that i can't have, but i have no experience to barter with other than my critiquing experience, particularly in dii, but this is unlikely to be all that useful. internship also implies a limited time on the job -- if this doesn't have a chance of becoming a permanent position with the company, then i'd be crazy to take it.

it does have the advantage of leaving me time to have a life and not having to deal with snotty 6th graders all day.

really, the job offer, if it came (and there's the other idiocy of all this: neither job has even been offered to me yet; all i have coming up are interviews!) when nothing else was possible, it would be a no brainer to take. i would be working, i would be dipping my toes in a career i'd like to get into, and i would be building references for my resume no matter what they paid or how long it was offered.

however, it's not the only job interview in the offing right now.

one of the principles in the school district contacted me and requested an interview. of course i scheduled one -- the internship isn't a guaranteed thing and it would be stupid to turn down an interview when the only other possible job isn't determined yet. and here's where it gets crazy. teaching is okay -- it would be better if the little monsters from december-january hadn't killed my enjoyment of what i was doing, but they did. so, teaching is okay. it's not my love for profession. i want to be a writer, and barring that, i want to work with writers and writing in some way.

back to teaching . . . .

i can be a teacher and do the job well. hell, i've had other teachers look at me in astonishment when i tell them i'm not certified. and, to be honest, i'm having more problems with the kids involved than the job itself. but even with a bunch of good kids (unlikely for a first year teacher to get in most cases, btw), the job has issues. like not letting me have a life. i learned this as a long term sub: if you're not grading, then you're planning or researching so you can plan. teachers out here at the middle school level are supposed to have one period a day free for planning, but they don't get it as often as they need -- they're in meetings or training sessions. before school and after school training is often required, and, on rare occasions, weekends.

and that doesn't count the time that would get eaten up when i went back to school to get the renewable certificate, which i would be required to do.

out here, a beginning teacher gets paid about $13/hour if you take the monthly salary and break it down into a normal, 8-hour day, 40-hour work week. but, when you add in the extra time you have to spend doing stuff and the money you have to put in for supplies for your classroom (oh, no, the district does not provide you with everything you need, and only reimburse you a small portion -- so far the highest i've heard is $100), trust me, it comes out to less than $13/hour. closer to $9-10/hour. still nothing to sneeze at, i grant you, but is it worth not being able to spend time with my family or writing? right now, the biggest draw to teaching is the benefits, which i doubt an intern job will provide. and stability.

right now my instinct is, if the job pays decent and has a chance of becoming permanent, to take the intern job and start building up my experience, skills, and resume in the area i want to go into. if it doesn't work out, i can still sub 3 days a week as hub and i agreed on. we certainly wouldn't be worse off than what we are now, financially. the worry is throwing away a perfectly good job that could stabilize us financially. and i don't even have the distance from the jobs to help tip the balance -- they're in opposite directions, but about the same distance away. all this, plus the confidence thing, before i've even interviewed.

lord, with all this angst, it's no wonder i'm a bundle of nerves!




word of the moment: accension

the act of kindlingor setting on fire, or the state of being kindled; inflammation; ignition









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