upside down
monday, may 28, 2007

it has been a chaotic week. school ending, miss thang moving back in, kitten coming to the east coast. heck, the week before we had taz's i.e.p. meeting, so it's been pretty nonstop for us. and, of course, it hasn't ended there since miss thang adds a little chaos where ever she goes and brought something with her that has laid youngest low. we're still financially on the rails -- doing a little better, but that's about to evaporate with me not working and saxy still getting less than expected (or needed) hours. still no word on the job he applied for. still nothing for me on the freelance angle either.

so, yes, miss thang has moved in and managed to turn things topsy-turvy. the good news is she's doing it less so than when she moved out before; the bad news is she still claims she "can't" change anything to be less of a chaotic force in the household. you tell her to bring her voice down and she says, in the same loud tone that just got her told to keep it down, "i aaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmm." it's been a week of boxes, noise, and just trying to adjust to the extra person in the household. she did sign the agreement, this is good; claims to not be seeing the boy, but we can't confirm this; and is looking for a job as agreed, which is very good. she's a bit more of a ditz than i remember, which is frightening (and has me wondering how i managed to raise her); and not having any place else to go has her actually working harder to do what she's supposed to while here, which is good, very good indeed. i can tell she doesn't like it much, but it's far less obvious than it was before. less eye rolling, harumphing, and stomping about. this is also very good. she still needs to grow up, even if she doesn't think so, because she's still less mature than most kids her age, but at least the little changes give me some hope.

it's kind of frightening, though, just how much extra background noise she adds just being in the house. i mean, the girl has to talk ALL the time. but even if we can get her not to talk, there's like a constant excess noise. i swear, the girl could be reading in her room, not saying a word, and the house would still be quieter when she left. just never seen a kid, especially one who apparently believes in a lot of metaphysical spiritual stuff, who can so clutter the air without even trying.

i did a bad mama thing and looked at something she had up in the browser when she was using my computer -- granted, my computer, but still, it was a bad mama thing. even so, i'm glad i did because i needed an opportunity to defend myself and saxy against a bit of misinformation she has -- which i'm sure hasn't changed. changing would have been nice, but wasn't the point -- well, maybe a little. the girl needed to be set straight; whether she chooses to adjust is up to her. i've done what was needed.

anyway, on this my space page she has, she apparently has some comments that she's responded to, and in her response she called saxy and me emotionally abusive parents. the girl thinks that because she cries around us a lot (um, hello? teenager!), that saxy isn't particularly fond of her voice (like she's the only singer whose voice he's not into), and because we've been emphasizing academics over choir (and elective), that we're abusive. so, yea, i had to defend us because, you know what? i've been in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship. and we've been NOTHING like the woman who put me through all this. i know we haven't been the model parents, but i also know that miss thang has had specific issues, issues we've never been able to pin down enough to know how to help her through them, that have affected the way she's grown up and perceived things. and i know this is teenagerhood and anything that doesn't go their way is just the end of the world and so wrong and god how can my parents TREAT me this way! but she had to be set straight. so, yea, bad mommy thing, but glad for the chance to say something, even if she doesn't listen.

so, miss thang moved in on the last day of classes. as soon as she got her last final done, her mjay was on the phone to saxy trying to get him to pick her up before he was even off work. we need the money, so she had to wait. she moved in with this nasty cough and claimed she wasn't sick . . . which is why froggy is so sick now and i'm coming down with something. then there was all the cleaning that took place over the last few days of last week -- even my office is shinier. and a lot of my excess books are packed away again so i can have space for new books on the shelves. amazingly, i have quite a bit of space now.

taz, however, seems glad she's back. when she goes out in the afternoon, he asks if she'll be back that night. but, of course, the last day of school was exciting enough, having big sis move back in only made it that much more crazy. i don't think the kids got much sleep, and he's been pretty keyed up ever since. he seems to be resettling again, so that's good. a week of upheaval is better than two, and two used to be his standard upheaval time. i am a bit worried about her ability to keep the agreement she signed and what will happen to taz if she violates it and gets kicked back out, but i'm hoping she'll be a good kid and let herself do some (much unwanted) growing here.

phoenix and baby cat are now up in virginia with trin's family. apparently baby cat did pretty good on the plane, so well that people thought she was adorable rather than utterly annoying. she's spent the last few days meeting even more family. they're planning to come down here the weekend of the 15th for us all to get together, get to know one another, and have mexican food together. the plan is to send phoenix's cat, hitomi, back with her. apparently the family can't have cats, so it will be up to phoenix to decide what to do with her next, i just know it's time to get the cat out of our house. 2 years is a long time for something that was supposed to be temporary anyway, phoenix is apparently having a good time there. i do have to say that it's nice to be able to talk to her during normal hours for us. new pictures are up in the gallery -- not many, but a couple that show baby cat off as a real cutie.

things are beginning to settle a bit now -- at least they feel a little less upside down. not sure how long that will last since we don't know if i'll get called for any interviews or saxy will get that job, but either of those will only lead to more stability, so that's a bit of upside down we can handle. until then, though, maybe things will quiet down enough for me to write and the kids to just enjoy their summer. we'll see. nothing stays settled with us for long.

word of the moment: accension

the act of kindlingor setting on fire, or the state of being kindled; inflammation; ignition

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