same old angst
friday, may 18, 2007

and then some. this financial shit is really wearing me down, my job is wearing me down even worse. this month we only made out rent because kitten kicked in what we needed, and i hate that i feel like my KIDS have to help support me. but we had to have help -- we were warned we had to get it taken care of or be evicted. and, apparently, you can evict someone with a 7 day notice instead of a 30 day notice out here. we can't move even wanting to, there's no way to do it with just a 7 gay notice! i'm tired of being here -- i was in this same place in california and now i'm in the same place here, only here we're working to be in the same place.

and i hate, hate my job. a regular classroom that i'm in all year would be wonderful -- the kids would get to know me and my rules, and generally give me less trouble. kids are almost always worse for the sub than for the regular teacher. the rare exceptions are with those teachers who have their classes in hand and refuse to put up with the bullshit -- and let the kids know that misbehaving for the sub will not be tolerated. and the end of the year is so much worse because the kids just lose their minds for the last week and a half or so. i wouldn't be subbing at ALL next week except a friend, who is moving out of state, needs me while she goes to the doctor and does more packing on monday. if i'm forced to continue subbing next year (because i either have no other job or haven't been offer ft/p with the district), i'm going in at most 3 days a week (so i have writing time and time to take care of the house) and not subbing at certain schools any more.

the county has me peeved to no end right now. i called a few days ago because i was hearing i would have to take the gace even though i had already taken the praxis I and II. having already spent about $240, i've not been inclined to spend more on a job i've been listed as fully qualified for but can't seem to get. which is also why i've not gone back to school for a certificate program -- why on earth would i put us deeper in debt for a job there's no guarantee i'll get? anyway, i don't have to take the gace, BUT i was told that i needed to update my application or it would get kicked out of the system. oooookay, so i go to the site to update it and what i'm being told on the site doesn't match what i'm being told from the office. i spent an hour sorting that out, then another FOUR hours applying to 10 ft/p positions. it would have been half that except i needed to know what someone's job title was and the damn window opened in the same window as the app and the app didn't save everything when i hit the save button. so i spent a lot of time reentering the information i had lost. i was pretty ticked by the time i got it all done, particularly since i'm sure this is going to be pretty damn pointless. i've been trying to get hired ft/p for 2 years, jumping through every hoop they throw at me, and all i've gotten out of it was one interview, and never even got the promised call back from that. something is apparently wrong with me according the administrators, even though the teachers think i'd be wonderful in my own classroom.

not that i'm particularly thrilled to have to take any kind of classroom job anyway. it interferes with my writing, and i've been really feeling that lately. i'll never know if i can get a novel published until i finish one, and i can't finish one without the time. classroom work never gives me any time for anything.

i've been looking for other work -- work that won't have to come home with me (or that i can do from home), but i haven't had much luck. granted, it's only been a week or so, but it's not just getting responses to the resumes i send out, it's also that there's so little i'm actually qualified for. and the husband's search has been equally frustrating for him. he applied for a general labor warehouse job online and actually got a reply saying he wasn't qualified to move boxes and shit for a job where they provide training. he decided to go to the associated job faire anyway, passed the tests they gave him, and thinks the interview went pretty well, so we'll see. we realize he probably won't qualify for the $15/hour he makes now, but the benefits and a REGULAR, paid on time every time paycheck will help make up for that.

we're also getting prepared, in the house itself and emotionally, for miss thang to come back. she'll be signing a rental agreement, and one step outside of it will have her ass on the street so fast she won't know what hit her.

all of which i'm sure is part of the reason the hub is being a complete butt right now. he's been snapping at me and taking offense at the drop of a hate for at least a week now. i'm seriously ready to bump his ass on the street for a few days. yes, i know he's stressed, but it's not like i'm not stressed too. hell, he's complaining about having to deal with the rent now, while i've been taking care of everything else except food as it is! one bill and he's got something up his ass about it. and, yes, i'm mightily fed up about it. snapping at me this morning was the last straw and i pretty much ignored him as he left for work. he started snapping at the kids and i told him i was up and would take care of it so he could keep his nose out of it, thank you very much. he can go take his bad mood out on someone else.

so, all in all, it's been a crappy week. summer's coming and my job is ending -- not that i feel it contributes more than maybe $10/week to the household income these days. but with saxy's job on precarious footing until he finds something else, it's pretty much all we've had. monday is the last day, and i've got nothing else lined up.

oh, did i tell you? mcat claims he's not firing saxy or laying him off, that he can work until he finds something else! problem is, when is saxy supposed to actually look for something else? and is the job worth it when we can't even pay off our rent because the checks aren't coming in on time?

no wonder i'm cranky as hell and rehashing the same old angst. i'm seriously hoping today will get better, but not holding my breath on that much either. *sigh*

word of the moment: accension

the act of kindlingor setting on fire, or the state of being kindled; inflammation; ignition

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