monday, april 23, 2007

so, guess who's coming back home. yes, miss chaos child. it seems her aunt is considerably more strict than we've been, and, from what i've heard, i have to agree there. i mean, come on, yelling at the girl for a 'c' when she was failing previously is just insane.

mind you, in addition to the "reasonable" stuff, there's the personal reasons for coming back home, including being more local to a boyfriend. but that's to be expected. we all move to places that are more convenient for what we want when we can. while i understand why, her aunt wants her so focused on school that she's not even allowing this girl to get a job, but takes half her child support for rent and food. granted, jewel doesn't have a lot of needs, but some of those needs are medical. and after a whole situation around eye glasses (i'll explain), well, i think letting her get a job and be an adult would be a good idea. come on, the kid is supposedly going to go to college, and she will have to work while doing so, getting used to balancing school/job/life, this would be a good thing in her position, yes?

jewel actually called us a few days ago about this and we had to think about it and find a time to talk about it before we could answer. we discussed what kind of problem it would be (saxy holds that it won't be all that much of one since she won't be home, lol) and the chaos factor. we discussed the rules we would want followed and made a list. we talked to froggy about it, and she said she could live with it if she moved back in (she's been pretty pissed off at jewel since she moved out the first time). i called and explained the rules and there wasn't a single complaint. so, the date is set for june 1. then we'll see if she can actually follow them this time. we'll have to make it clear that she won't get grounded if there are problems, she'll be looking for a place to live again. hopefully it will work out.

a funny thing happened while we were on the phone too. i didn't laugh until i told saxy about it later, but i wanted to! she asked me to hold on a minute and i heard this:

jewel: hey, n, you don't go getting into things without asking.
n: mumbles.
jewel: close it up, put it away and close the door.
n: mumbles.
jewel: close the refrigerator door.
n apparently asks for something now.
jewel: no, it's too close to dinner.
n: you're mean!
jewel: i'm not mean. i'm just watching you the way i'm supposed to.

most of that sounded sooooo familiar! lol one can hope that her experiences with the kids and the stricter rules will make things a bit easier here, but i'm also not holding my breath. as soon as we do or say or decide something she doesn't like, i'm sure we're going to have to come up with yet another alternative to where she lives.

as for the glasses thing, she's needed glasses for awhile, but we were really struggling to get to the point where we could take care of it. seems each time we finally allotted some money for them, some other glitch came up. so when she was finally on her own and complaining of headaches, i expected her to go to wal-mart and get checked and get glasses. figured that would cost maybe $150, which she could afford on her support from daddy and still have money left over! didn't happen that way though. first she bought clothes. then she was helping to feed the family. when she moved in with her aunt, and i didn't know she was paying rent and food for herself, i figured someone there would tell her to use the child support and go take care of the problem. and that sorta happened, only they purchased glasses for $400 and wanted US to pay $100 of it. when i made it clear that she was having to live with her own consequences of her behavior, my brother tried to guilt trip us into it with, "so you've washed your hands of her." mind you, the man has NO CLUE what she's put us through -- he can't even seem to get through his head that having an autistic son is something that has to be kept in mind for just about every decision we make, but here he was judging us as parents. hell, he can't even seem to keep in mind that we're barely scraping by month to month, so, yea, that $100 was way out of our price range when SHE gets the money to pay for it and no one should have EVER bought her glasses for anything more than $100-$150!

all of which raised concerns about the lessons she was going to et about money over there, but, you know, we tried teaching her about it here and it didn't sink in, so i'm not sure how much damage could have been done, really. still, if you have a fruit juice budget instead of a champagne budget, not sure having someone take you to the caviar is a good idea.

one of the things i'm hoping will come out of this is a willingness on her part to listen to us at least a little now. well, okay, hoping might be too strong a word. it just would be nice to help her understand what's left for her to learn with us before she's off again. there's a lot we had hoped to have more time for that we lost when we finally had to put our foot down and give us all peace and the household some stability. and i admit that my aggravation level was just too high to deal with her when all she did was call over things she needed. some space an equilibrium seems to have happened, but i'm not sure how much. guess we'll see when she moves in in june.

funny, i actually never expected all the crazy problems we've had with her over the last 2 years. she always was a quiet child and for her to explode like this took me totally by surprise. but, somehow, i did expect her to be the boomerang kid. not sure why. one the one hand i hope this return lasts through her finishing high school. on the other, if it doesn't, i suspect she'll be back again at some point -- she's actually on the flighty side. perfect for a boomerang.

word of the moment: shibboleth

catchword or slogan, a word or phrase frequently used, or a belief strongly held, by members of a group that is usually regarded by outsiders as meaningless, unimportant, or misguided; common saying or belief, a saying that is widely used or a belief that is widely held, especially one that interferes with somebody's ability to speak or think about things without preconception; identifying word or custom, a unique pronunciation, word, behavior, or practice used to distinguish one group of people from another and to identify somebody as either a member of the group or an outsider

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