and 2 weeks later . . .
thursday, april 19, 2007

i knew it had been awhile since i last updated, but i didn't realize it had been that long. it makes sense though. i got really sick the first week of april and slept a lot. last week was spent panicking over bills and money since we had another late paycheck. and i really didn't feel like writing yet another rant about what a moron my brother was being over things. he's having issues with me not working, and some of his comments not only burn me up but also give me the feeling that the reduction in hours and all the other bullshit he's pulling is very deliberate -- he's trying to get us to do things his way. i've also been very focused on my writing, just finished the draft of my novel,
under a blood moon, that comes before the rough draft. it's now off to alpha readers for plot checking. and i've had a brief fight with depression, but that only took a day or two clear up -- i'm getting much better at doing that. which all sounds like a mad jumble of stuff, but it's not been that bad, i've just been busy.

which only makes it hard to figure out where to start. ;)

i guess we'll get the money thing out of the way. mcat claims we're losing $250/month by me not working. he's failing to include gas, clothing, make up, extra food, and a number of other things that are part of the "cost" of working, especially with that god awful truck and the continuing rise in gas prices. i think, if saxy were to take me into work every day and be forced to use that truck every day, we would be going from $200 spent on gas every month to close to $300 a month. right now saxy's hours aren't as good as they looked like they were going to get, but that means he can get a ride and we don't have to fill the damn truck up twice a week (or more). and that increase has more to do with rising prices than anything. besides, mcat is forgetting that we have particular family issues to keep in mind. in a year, taz will be going to high school and that will require one of us to be home by 2:00. me getting into the school district, then quitting a year later, is probably a very bad idea, and saxy in a full ay can make more than i would. the only problem there is the medical insurance. so i might still accept an offer of ft/p employment if it came down to it. it really depends on how some new projects go for me. the one thing mcat is right about is that we need more income in the house. he's pretty much wrong about the reasons, and his way of pressuring us is bullshit, but, uh, yea.

just like his attitude about the late paychecks. since he pays us eventually, we shouldn't be in trouble with utilities or food or anything. mind you, he gets $1000+/week and we're lucky to get $500 (especially with the hours thing right now), so he could pay all our utilities in one week and still have money left to eat on. we can't. when a paycheck is late by more than 2 or 3 days, we're screwed because the disconnect notices are already on their way in the first place. mind you, i'm well aware the problem has to do with me being gone to hawaii for a bit -- we're still catching up, but for him to act like we should be fine because we get paid "eventually" is ludicrous. in fact, even late a few days can be problematic since we buy our food very carefully to last till the next paycheck. we have no buffers in this house, and didn't even when i was working (which, btw, does not help mid-month -- district checks are posted at the end of the month, not in the middle). see, mcat doesn't get paid and can still run off to play in florida, the races, magic mountain, whatever. we don't get paid and we're trying not to starve as we worry about which utility will get cut off next. he doesn't get this. never has. just like he doesn't understand how an autistic child impacts a household. i can understand, even forgive, not getting that last bit; but it's the refusing to change his understanding of it that pisses me off.

i'm looking into freelance editing right now. i have a friend helping me set up a good resume and pointing me in the right direction of what i need to know and where to get the jobs. this job won't cost me much more than time, paper, and ink (if any of that) and allows me to stay home with my kiddos. and it's in the same field that i'm trying to come into from another direction. i can set my own hours and, from what i've seen, i could easily make up that $250/month. i can do the job, it's just a matter of getting in there and showing that i can do it and finding the contracts. we'll see how it goes. i'm very much in the baby steps right now. i'm already trying to figure out how to bring my reading speed back up. ;)

the taxes are sort of resolved. we're on an extension right now, waiting for the materials to return from my friend. she not only managed to get it so we didn't have to pay anything, but actually found us money. assuming the math is all right, we'll be able to get the car plus replace the dvd player that just took a nose dive. (and i'm telling you, i have a feeling we'll buy the car and take the truck back to him and he'll try to sell that thing to us and not understand why we tell him to shove the damn thing where the sun don't shine. expensive monthly payment + expensive insurance + expensive gas = vehicle there's no way in hell we can afford, but he doesn't freaking get that we have serious limits on our income -- limits he sets.) we're very much looking forward to that. once we get the other car, saxy can look for a second part time job and that will help the finances as well.

the writing is generally going well. like i said, i just finished the pre-rough of one novel and have sent it to alpha readers to look at. i know if 2 things i need to fix, and once the alpha notes get back to me, i'll get started on the rough. i've been working on
assassin's again, just because i'm a glutton for punishment, i guess. i have 2 pieces coming out later in the year (both in token markets, but fairly established token markets), and just found out that the anthology with my story "presence" is now available at i also have a story still being considered by hitchcock's mystery magazine. the waiting is driving me crazy. and i've finally "found" a r.l. critique group that seems to be working out -- we all had a great time when we met last, so hopefully that's a good sign.

so, really, we're hanging on. we're doing what we can to make it better, given the circumstances, and one day the doing the right things will kick in. i hope.

and i'll try to get back here sooner than 2 weeks. i really was on a roll there . . . not at all sure how i got derailed. oh, yea, that sick thing. have i mentioned before how much i despise being sick? really! (okay, yea, i've mentioned it too many times to mention, must less link.)

word of the moment: shibboleth

catchword or slogan, a word or phrase frequently used, or a belief strongly held, by members of a group that is usually regarded by outsiders as meaningless, unimportant, or misguided; common saying or belief, a saying that is widely used or a belief that is widely held, especially one that interferes with somebody's ability to speak or think about things without preconception; identifying word or custom, a unique pronunciation, word, behavior, or practice used to distinguish one group of people from another and to identify somebody as either a member of the group or an outsider

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