then again . . .
thursday, april 26, 2007

so, miss thang will not be coming to stay with us after all. seems she can't handle the "no boyfriend" rule the husband and i decided would be a good idea since she can't seem to get her act together. instead, she's going back to live with the boyfriend's family, and "things are going to be different this time." (this according to her from the parents of said boyfriend.) this tells me that she was probably given the boot the first time not only because of the impending divorce and other issues, but because of her behavior. again.

last night i had a long discussion with her aunt, where she's living now, and it seems that not only has mcat proved his usual unreliability in passing along information, but miss thang has also lied and omitted her own complicity in the problems. we actually expected that and her aunt had nothing to add to the kid's behavior that we haven't already seen. she has an attitude that she refuses to take responsibility for, a grade/studying problem that she refuses to admit, and a financial irresponsibility that she refuses to correct. she was given an opportunity to get focused on her education at a decent school and refused to take advantage of it. the only difference is that she was respectful to said aunt, at least to her face. but she was disrespectful of the rules. all problems i've complained about before. since she's not taking advantage of the opportunity being given to her and is, in essence, a drain on the aunt's finances and emotional resources (and one she's not required to have), it was decided jewel would move in with us this weekend.

however, the money spending is one of the bigger problems for this kid. she ignores her needs to purchase her 'wants' first and to take care of her now unemployed boyfriend. while jewel has been having problems longer than she's been seeing the current bf, the problems have definitely gotten worse since she started. so hub and i decided he needs to be out of the picture for awhile so she can get refocused. after agreeing to all our other rules, she went ballistic over the bf. and, to be honest, i think she doesn't realize that i'm not subbing right now. i think she was agreeing, but already planning to break the rules because she thought she'd be home unsupervised and able to get away with anything she wanted.

at any rate, she called the bf and convinced his family to let her move in with them again. it took her two hours to do that, mind you, but she did it. since she's 18, there's not much i can do or say -- she's on her own.

we've also decided that we won't be the ones to bail her out any more. if she gets kicked out again, she's on her own. we've pretty much had it with the lies, manipulation, and bullshit. we'll be happy to store her stuff for as long as we can so she doesn't lose it (we've both lost things when housing has been up in the air), but no more offers to stay or agreement to let her stay with us. until she realizes that her attitude and behavior are a large part of her problem, she just can't be here. i love my girl, and i hope it all works out, but this is it. no, she's not ready, even her aunt agreed she's immature for her age, but there's not much more i can do without taking away from the two kids who really need me and know they need me.

and, really, i hate having to make that decision. but, how can we even say if you get yourself focused, we'll be happy to help you out and give you a place to stay when the kid has lied and manipulated and broken a dozen promises to do that very thing? we can't trust her to not be pulling one over on us. she's said she'd change a dozen times already, and it has yet to happen. so, really, how can we trust her word when she promises yet again? how can we tell it's not another manipulation on her part? we can't. at least not in the near future. and it sucks. it really sucks.

but that's how it goes. sadly, in a way, it's a relief. no risking chaos in the household again. no having the hysterics. the manipulation and lies. as the song goes, no more drama. sorta . . . life usually have a drama all its own.

i have to admit, though, the extra money would really have helped out. these days i keep thinking about going back to subbing, but have to remind myself that, overall, i wouldn't actually be helping much. the damn truck eats everything not used for food, clothes, resource materials, supplies, and all the other etceteras that go into me working. hell, it's probably the transportation costs that take me working from making maybe $20 more than saxy earns on his own a week to paying for me to work. right now i'm trying to get into freelance editing. no transportation costs, makeup, extra food, clothes, etc. just got to get my foot in the door at a few places. i hope. i'm not even looking for a lot of jobs/work. i still want to write and be available for the kiddos.

then again, i wouldn't turn down a full time position as long as it was via telecommuting.

here's hoping something works out. i've got until august, at least to get something off the ground here. then we'll be rethinking the sub thing again, i think.

word of the moment: shibboleth

catchword or slogan, a word or phrase frequently used, or a belief strongly held, by members of a group that is usually regarded by outsiders as meaningless, unimportant, or misguided; common saying or belief, a saying that is widely used or a belief that is widely held, especially one that interferes with somebody's ability to speak or think about things without preconception; identifying word or custom, a unique pronunciation, word, behavior, or practice used to distinguish one group of people from another and to identify somebody as either a member of the group or an outsider

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