tired
thursday, may 16, 2019


we're (my doctor and i) still struggling to figure out my bp meds. since i started back on them, i've had painfully swollen feet (finally reduced to "after work on your feet all day" swollen feet with the last one, but still with some pain) and exhaustion (reduced to "just tired" with the last one) so bad that working out was impossible, and not just because i was tired. i found lifting next to impossible for weeks, followed by new meds where i could do it but not as well and not as long. and the pain in the feet wasn't just in the feet but pretty much most of my lower body. it really was reminding me of back when i started this journey and could barely walk, much less do dishes or much else, but without the same excuse of having been nearly bed ridden for years.

really, these meds aren't doing me much good if i can't do the things i need to do to get healthier.

so i'm off them, with my doctor's blessing, for a week or so to try to clear everything out and normalize my body a bit. then i'm supposed to take the half dose i was on last every other day for a bit, then every day. i've never had this problem with bp meds before. we've had to tweak for the cough (a dry cough that you can get with some blood pressure meds; not sure what it means, but i do know they change your medication once you get it), add a diuretic for some minor swelling, but nothing like this, and nothing that didn't get resolved with a tweak or two. so this is frustrating and annoying.

and it's affecting the workout part of my journey negatively. we're in may, and i have yet to get consistent. i can't get consistent because shit keeps coming up, and the meds are the most recent obstacle (and the longest since we're going on 3 months of trying to figure them out). it's very frustrating. and fighting my usual tireds with the weather (we still have a number of storms running in and out) with the tireds from the medication...i'm seriously tired of being tired too.

the one success has been my nasal inhaler. i had to go off it this past week (and am starting to pay the price for that: harder time sleeping, swollen and pained sinuses again, a lot of allergy sniffling), but it was really working well to dry things up so i could breathe. i was even needing my actual allergy pills less than before. the problem there is the cost, and i needed to delay the refill because a check was tight. it's definitely up for refill this time because i'm starting to have the same issues: woke this morning feeling the swelling and pain. i'm glad it took time to wear off, but i don't want it to take 3 or 4 weeks to build up its effectiveness.

still, i'm tired. i'm tired from the actual meds. i'm tired because of the interrupted sleep. i'm tired (and frustrated) with not being able to get consistent for longer than a week or two with my workouts.

i know it will eventually sort out. either the meds will work, or i won't be on them. it's just proving to be a harder and longer road than it was when i got serious about my health a decade ago. on the one hand, i wish the last three years hadn't been the roller coaster that made it necessary to set aside my health journey for awhile. on the other, i have a beautiful grandbaby boy and am speaking to my oldest again (well, it would be hard not to since she's staying with us, but you get the picture) because of it. i know i just have to keep moving forward, keep listening to my body, and doing what i need to do. if i do that, it'll all eventually settle and my rotuine will set in. i'm just so tired of being tired and fighting to get through it to be stronger and healthier.