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sugar fix
thursday, april 10, 2014

i have a problem with sugar. i'm pretty much addicted to it. i have to watch it all the time, but the easter season is the worst. christmas can get bad, but it's never as bad as easter.

and i admit: i have no impulse control around the sweets, especially the sweets i like.

and like winter was pretty brutal on the diet, this easter season is turning out to be more brutal than usual. it's not helping that i'm still trying to even out after months of normal cold weather cravings, not so normal food fights as the weather warmed up and cooled off, and going off the rails at least 2 or 3 times over the last 5 to 6 months (i do go off the rails occasionally, but not that much in such a short time period—it usually pushes me into fixing the problems again, and the losses start again, obviously not any of these managed that this winter).

this year, i feel like i just can't get a handle on anything.

and sometimes, i just want to stop, to give up. i won't, but damn, this year, this winter, this season, the temptation has been particularly strong. i tell myself that i've lost half the weight i'm aiming for, so i can lose the other half—i've done it once, so, yea, i can do it again—but i've been in the same place for 6 months. i've regained the last 5 pounds i fought like crazy to lose over those 6 months.

and i'm tired. and tired makes me want those sweets even more. frustrated makes me want those sweets even more. cold, tired, frustrated, at the worst time of the year, no control...all i want is a sugar fix. i want one every single second of the day.

every year i somehow manage to detox, but i worry about it this year. i know i shouldn't, but right now everything feels impossibly hard. i know right now isn't tomorrow, i know it'll happen eventually, but right this minute, i want a sugar fix. and i'm tired of fighting it.

but i'm not. i want to do this, i can do this. even with the weight stalled, there are still changes going on. muscle is developing, the body is toning/firming up. eventually something will kick in and the weight will start dropping again. i just have to keep trying little adjustments, keep working on getting the food under control, keep working out.

it'll come.

i'm enjoying walking again, and i'm working out what i'll do when it gets too hot. i'm using weights and have been upping them for the aerobic/walking workouts, getting ready to up them for the reistance/weights sessions.

i'm working on my diet, adding more fiber, changing from white and starchy to brown rice, barley, and sweet and purple potatoes. some of it is hard—brown rice and sweet and purple potatoes are all more expensive than white. refiguring meals with less starch (saxy has been told, little to no starch anymore, especially at night) has been difficult. i'm slowly working it out, but it's happening...sorta. i'm trying new recipes, but it really has been hit or miss, and a lot of it, i have no idea what it goes with. but i'm working on it.

which doesn't help with the sugar cravings, but it's something.

i know i will get through all this: the plateau, the food changes, the food fights, even the sugar cravings, it just seems harder than it has been before now. i just wish i didn't have to deal with the sugar mess at the same time.

word of the moment: edenic

any place of complete bliss and delight and peace; a place of pristine or abundant natural beauty
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