challenges coming
saturday, may 5, 2012


one thing this last shopping trip pointed out to us is that we've got some adjustments coming up that might be a bit difficult for us at first. for the last few years, when we have gotten money, it's been pretty much on a weekly bases. granted, alternate weeks were usually tiny checks that did little more then cover gas and any little things like milk and eggs, but we had them. they kept us going.

saxy's third job has expressed interest in him eventually going full time over there. since the restaurant is owned by the same company that owns the catering place he works for, pay days come the same day. it's unlikely he'll be able to (or even want to) keep any hours at job #2, so there will be no alternate week checks any more. the only one that could come at a different time is boyo's ssi, and all but $100 of that is slated for the rent/mortgage.

honestly, financially, we will be better off than we have been in years, but the one thing i've been bad at is budgeting. not for lack of trying, but because somehow something gets blown just about every week. and because i need to, i budget right up to the edge of our income, so there's no room for things being blown. and i really should know better after years of the same problem, but when it comes time to get paid, all i see is the bills. then our food spending ends up too high for one reason or another, or we have something like yesterday where saxy's much needed boots and a few hardware things for the house came up to much higher than i expected. in fact, yesterday, both the boots and the food completely annihilated my budget, and now i may not have as much money (or any money) to return to the house account. this is very bad. i need to get that money back in to the account and quickly.

and while i was kinda upset about the budget being blown, saxy was a bit freaked about how much got spent on groceries. we're not used to covering everything for a whole two weeks when it comes to groceries, plus he needed some snacks (which is only fair since i have some as well), so things added up very quickly. plus prices everywhere, including at the farmers markets we use, are going up.

we've got at least a few weeks left before he transitions to what we hope is full time at the el taco job. at least, it better be full time. we honestly can't afford for it to be less.

so we have a couple of weeks to get everything under some kind of management, then we'll have to adjust to only having two checks a month. for most people, i'm sure this is a no brainer. for us, it's a challenge because we had a hard enough time managing things with four checks a week. we've already discussed how to make sure he has money for gas (essentially, he takes out $100, off the top, tucks it somewhere, and uses it only for gassing up the car as needed). everything else is in my hands, and considering my track record so far, it makes me nervous. as scalzi has noted, being poor makes for a whole different mentality. being poor for a long time, makes that mentality something more, and very hard to get out of. but then there's after being poor. you have to break that lifestyle/mentality, but it's indelibly stamped on your psyche. there are habits that need to change (especially number 4 of that list).

i don't know if we qualify as not being poor any more yet, but regardless, we're in the aftermath of never having enough money, and we have years (in my case, nearly a lifetime) of poor habits to break. and there will always be that sense of waiting for it to end, of not being secure, because nothing lasts, especially, it seems, for us. so, trying to switch to a new mentality, new spending habits that can cover two weeks and takes into account budgets needing a buffer, is going to be a challenge. i don't transition easily, and i'm not sure just a few weeks now will be enough to get me past any of it enough to make the next change any easier. all i can do is try, i suppose.

isn't it bizarre (or sad, maybe?) that i can overcome so many other things, but money trips me up every damn time?