it looks like this doctor's appointment and prescription are just in time. this morning i woke up more congested than usual and feeling that faint asthmatic rattle in my chest that is both annoying and scary. fortunately it cleared up rather quickly, although i'm still fighting the congestion a little. that feeling of drowning . . . or suffocation . . . has got to be one of the most frightening things to wake up to. yes, i am definitely ready for my meds.

which is, actually, in some ways very hard for me to admit.

i hate the weakness implied by having to take drugs and it used to be i would try long naps before even taking a pain killer. age, pain, and poor health can really change one's perspective. when i first was prescribed the pharmacy that has become a big part of my life, getting me to take them on a daily bases was difficult at best. i didn't (and still don't) like taking meds in general, and being prescribed so many of them is probably one of the most depressing experiences i've had to go through (not the most, just one of them).

the first ones that became a daily habit without too much trouble was the asthma meds. there's just something about getting a breathing treatment that inspires you to avoid it in the near future. but even then i think it took me two years and a couple of winter visits to get it in my head to take the stuff like i was supposed to. of course, i also learned other tricks of control as well: staying out of cold, damp weather (my triggers) and using hot tea to help quiet the lesser attacks. but once i hit the coughing stage, i'm pretty much reliant on the albuterol to get me through.

with a reminder like rattled breathing and coughing until you can barely breathe as a reminder, taking the daily dose of azmacort isn't so much of a hard thing to remember after all.

but things like my iron and my ulcer medication haven't always been so easy. the effects aren't immediately obvious for either of them. if i'm tired it could be lack of sleep and an upset stomach can be the result of something i ate. mild congestion can be tolerated. but all these things are hitting that point of almost out of control that can be much harder to deal with.

which actually has me looking forward to tomorrow and the relief that will begin almost as soon as i walk out of the doctor's office.