paper trails
thursday, february 9, 2006

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"Bridge of Wings -
Where He Waits"

Pui-Mun Law

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it's late and i should be in bed, but i'm just finishing up printing stuff for a teacher friend of mine. and i still need to laminate some stuff for her and to clean up the mess in my office created today by putting 2 "new" (read new to me, but actually used) file cabinets in. we'd run out of space both in my son's file box and in the extra large file box i use for all our records, so we moved these two up from the living room to finally be used for more than tables. one will be used for all the school stuff i've been collecting and printing, the other will be split - bottom drawer for my son's stuff, the top drawer for records.

there's a lot of paper stuff going on for me right now. and i don't just mean bills, though there's a lot of that too. what sucks there is that we really are trying to do what we need to do, it's just the income never seems to cover everything we need. remember we recently got that "extra" money? we decided it was time to get me a proper wardrobe for work and interviews. all things considered, we did real good on how much we spent. and i haven't been completely happy about it - i mean, i love the clothes, just wish i didn't need them and they didn't cost what they did, and so on. and now we need that "extra" money for other things again and i feel worse for it. can't be undone, but i just wish it wasn't always this way for us.

it's supposed to get better. i'm supposed to at the point where i can be hired by the school district for full time permanent. today i found out i'm not quite. one of my reference letters wasn't "acceptable." turns out they can't accept a reference from a sub coordinator. not that i was told this when i was looking for references, mind you. i've asked someone else if he'd write a letter of reference and he said yes - he'll try to get it done this week. and next week i'll be calling human resources again to make sure that his reference was acceptable. at this point i have to push this because there's a job fair coming up in march that i qualify for as long as my application is complete. it will give me one interview with the staffing office at the level of my choice. but to get that interview, my application has to be complete, and it's not complete until that last reference is in.

and if his reference doesn't work, i may be in trouble. while the teacher was quite pleased with me at the beginning of this year, i don't know who i'd ask at that school to write a reference for me that doesn't currently have issues with me because of the transportation crap going on with froggy right now. and i think i may have upset one or two people by asking for too much too soon or something. i tend to push a little to get what i want/need, and some people see it as too intrusive sometime. so, while the teachers at the school are warmer, the administrative staff has been much cooler this year.

i'm seriously considering asking the teachers i've subbed for to put in references for me too. and turning in my updated resumé. but i doubt either would help much - the resumé is just an update and the teachers' referrences probably won't count. :P i'll just take the updated resumé to the interview, along with samples of my lesson stuff from the high school and assignments i've created. i'll have to ask the teacher i subbed for at the beginning of this year if she still has any of my plans, etc for me to take in. i wasn't thinking so far ahead or about portfolios and she got all that paper.

last night i met with an i.r.l. writing group, and even bravely took one of my pieces for comment. okay, so not so brave since it's one of my better pieces and i'm just trying to finalize it for the market-go-round. anyway, i liked it. it was really nice to be face-to-face with other writers and discussing writing. i do think i'm a bit more advanced than most of the ones that were actually there last night - and i don't mean that in an arrogant way or anything. and i could be off base too since i'm basing my opinion on the work presented and the few comments we were able to give. with 6 people, it's not like you can go really deep in the discussion, even if only half of them bring something to be worked on. it'd take all night of we did that! so i could quite easily have the wrong first impression. but even if i don't, i don't mind. none of them seem to be at the hyper critical stage we writers can get to when critiquing someone else's work, which means their reactions were closer to "reader reactions" than "writer reactions." this is really hard to get in a writers group sometimes, so it's nice to have. i don't think they're ready for the monster novel, but i'll be less nervous about taking one of my less polished pieces with me next time - or even a new short (and i seriously need to start writing new shorts!).

and, actually, the group is helping me with motivation issues. i've been out of the writing loop for so long because of that last long term position that it's just been hard to get back on it. i've been kinda on and off about writing anything new at this point - i just wanted to get through the old stuff, but i've had motivation issues even with that. but i want to write some fresh stuff for this group, i think. they have entirely different perspectives than my online groups and i enjoy that (even if i don't always agree or take a person up on it, i love hearing opinions - just weird that way). i'll feel like i'm not contributing if i don't have something new to offer every once in awhile. i'm already considering 2 stories i really want to write, just have to figure out how (beyond the actual typing that is).

and i won't even think about how finally getting that full time position is going to kill my writing time again. i'm just going to have to find a way to maintain writing time or my sanity will be gone. 3 months was bad enough - 10 would make me someone even those who love me most will want to avoid. besides, novel one is going on 3 years for revisions, i gotta get that sucker done.

i also stayed home because i had a doctor's appointment today to renew my adhd medication prescription. we were late (ug!) and i had lost the paperwork i was supposed to fill out for the appointment (double ug!), but i still got in and the doctor helped out with finishing off what needed to be done on the paperwork. my next appointment will be almost completely paperless since it'll be an over the phone appointment. i'm just glad everyone was so understanding this time around!

which brings me back to the messy office and piles of paper that have to be gone through and housed in new homes . . . or just placed in the home they should have been in all along. i've had my writing file cabinet for some time now, and yet i still end up with paper trails of revised work all over the office, or stacks of stuff to crit, or stacks of stuff to revise, or just plain stacks of stuff. everything from my own work in various states of draft and revision to articles on writing to writing magazines to pieces i'm critting has been laid in random places around the room. i hadn't completely recovered my office from the 3 months of stacking and now even the stacks have been moved and tossed!

no work for me tomorrow, i fear. up too late and piles of paper trails to clean up. i told hubby the office would get cleaned up tonight, but i think it's just going to have to wait. i need my sleep, and since the paper no longer blocks my way out of here, i'm going to go get some.

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Since July 9, 2000

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