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at a loss
monday, october 3, 2005



somewhere along the way, i failed my daughter. not kitten, who seems to be doing wonderfully and is becoming quite a young woman. no, somehow i failed jewel.

we're going through a struggle with her that goes beyond the whininess and the snottiness she's becoming a thief. it used to be just food - something that kitten went through and was finally outgrowing when we left cali. jewel isn't outgrowing it, she's getting worse. she's "borrowed" books without asking and taken jewelry. so far it's petty stuff and (as far as i know) only stuff here at home, but i'm worried. she keeps going, keeps escalating - even if gradually - and she's going to get herself in trouble that i can't get her out of.

i'm at a loss with this child. she's smart - if not wise - she gets wonderful grades. her life here is better than it was in cali - she gets to see friends, gets to go out in the neighborhood without me freaking, we've bought her books and jewelry. i know she needs clothes, and we're working on that because we all need clothes. we plan to take care of it, we just have to get to a point where things are under control to do so. but, really, even with her needing clothes, everything is so much better here. she has friends, she's had boyfriends, we're doing a little more than barely surviving in a lot of ways. and we're safer.

and i know she's so much better than this.

i just don't understand where this is coming from. i never taught that stealing was okay. her dad never did either. and we've already told her (and it's just been reiterated) that unacceptable behavior won't get her living with dad - her uncle wants no more teenagers in the house. linnorm brings jewel out despite that warning and all hell will break loose. besides, there's the obvious factor that she needs more supervision rather than less.

and i can't seriously think she's "just like that."

for the most recent infractions she's been grounded for a month, all privileges taken away (comp, phone, outside time, etc), her cd's have been confiscated, her music shut off. when not doing her chores or homework, she's to be in her room. it isn't much, really, though it might be devastating to her, but it's the closest i can come to showing her where she's heading.

i just wish i believed it would do something to change things.

word of the moment: phlegmatic

stolidly calm, unexcitable; unemotional; having or showing a slow and stolid temperament

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Since July 9, 2000

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