so, i finally gave in and asked my aunt for a little help. as much as i know i only have to make it through the next couple of weeks, without some help or a BIG sale, something will have to give. there's just too much due at once (all in the space of a few days of each other and in the same week) and i've pushed the due dates as much as i can. not to mention the state of my checking account. i need out of the red and i need caught up. there's been no response yet, which i think might be a 'no'. which, really, i kinda expected. not that i think anything bad of her for it, it's just she's already given significantly to the domy help fund and is either tapped out, tired of it, or both and i wouldn't blame her one bit. hell, i'm tired of needing a domy help fund. i just wish that subbing job would come through. in the meantime, i've asked for some help, and saxy is poking around looking for something with more regular, full time hours.

at least i'm begging for help i need. lately the cats have been begging for something they definitely don't need and should not get: going outside. from the time we got here, they'd been pretty fascinated with the garage door and kept trying to sneak through it. course, the one time vagner made it out into the garage, he wanted back into the house pretty quickly - not that he stopped wanting to go out the garage door, he just stopped begging quite as much. well, this is beyond that. at least with the garage, they sorta sit watching it and waiting for their chance (which, of course, never comes since we have no idea if there are openings in the garage that would let them outside). the outside thing is inspiring some real cat begging.

sometime last week, apparently jewel wasn't watching what she was doing and both cats got out. she tried to claim someone else left the door open, but not only was i napping, but the last time i had gone out was to check the mail 3 hours earlier. i was tired, but i would have noticed an open door as i passed it and/or missing cats - especially since vagner has taken to sleeping on a pillow under my desk when i'm working on the computer. so, she came in from the bus and left the door open and the kittens took advantage of it. knowing how animals are about being let outside for the first time, it had to have been open for a bit so they could cautiously sniff the air, poke heads out, sniff some more, put paws out, sniff some more, slink slowly down the steps into the yard, and so on. jewel did go out to get them and told me roro was a much easier catch than vagner. my baby boy apparently needed to be chased. if he had been more familiar with the great outdoors, i'm sure she wouldn't have caught him at all.

and i'm telling you, the cats really do not need the great outdoors around here. there's a cat disease that can kill if not caught soon enough carried by fleas out here, and cats that go outside have a greater risk of catching it. i've never let any of my cats be outdoors cats if i could help it. other than a higher risk of disease, there's the risk of dogs and cars and, in our old neighborhood, torturous kids. so, i just keep my babies inside.

since their one day in the big outside, they've both hovered around the front door. and vagner, oh lordy, he yowls. what is it with male cats and the outside world? even neutered ones just gotta go out! i've had to start using the spray bottle on him because he gets loud. he makes my begging look quite amateur, i tell you! and he's definitely more persistent!

which is not to say that ororo doesn't get loud when she wants out, just she's not as loud nor as persistent. she gets particularly upset when saxy leaves in the morning, yowling at the door, then wandering around the house calling for her man. she occasionally gets upset when one of us others goes out without her too, but not usually so bad as when her man goes off to work. once he's home, though, it's expected he'll stay home and him going out again to do anything really gets to her. if he's working out back, she goes to the sliding glass door and watches him. and she likes watching the big outside from there at other times as well, or climbs into a window to stare. but that's the closest she gets to outdoors.

the closest vagner gets to outside is being held in the doorway while we wait for taz's bus to pick him up, and he gets his fill of that pretty quickly. once he does, he's away from the door until i come inside and shut it. so far, that's been enough. he comes and rests on his pillow, but i'm sure it won't be enough for long. once that's not enough, the yowling will probably drive me up the wall . . . it'll be along the lines of the dog barking in the backyard.

when i get that job he can beg all he wants . . . there will be no one home to hear him yowl.