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tuesday, october 26, 2004

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i actually meant to write about some of this last week, but wasn't much of a mind to write yet another rant. i'm getting tired of them, and i'm sure anyone who reads my drivel is tired of them as well. today's "rant," however, is brought to you by some good news from the "one step forward" department. heck, the rant isn't even so much a rant as total exasperation.

apparently mjay has told mcat she's filing for divorce. honestly, no surprise there. personally, i'm amazed she's put up with his attitude as long as she has - that attitude being that he's king of the castle, her being an at home mother means she's not really working, and the lack of respect he's given her despite his claims of love. something went really wrong in that relationship long before we got here. mcat did tell me they had separated for awhile, but he seemed pretty confident that things were worked out. apparently not. his antics since our arrival have only taken it all over the edge and she's finally had enough. it's sad that i can understand her reasoning when i only know what my husband shares with me. but the truth of it is, i wouldn't have put up with his attitude and behavior as long as she has. hell, even if he were to show a change of heart right now, i wouldn't trust it. he lies and bullshits his way through anything uncomfortable, so any "change of heart" would be pretty suspect. i care about my brother, but he's definitely reaping what he's sown at this point.

but the worst of it is his state of denial. somewhere along the way he got the idea that a judge can/will deny a woman a divorce if the man can show himself to be a good provider, so he thinks the judge will laugh her out of court. uh, wrong. most, if not all, states have "no fault" divorce, and georgia is no different. she applies under irreconcilable differences and that's pretty much it. the court could order mediation and see if they can work it out, but that only delays the divorce, not stops it. and georgia, like most states, is a community property state - meaning she gets half of everything they've acquired. the fact that she's been an at home mother will not be held against her - she's worked at least as hard as he has just not in "paid" employment. any man who hasn't been with his kids all day long, day in and day out, cleaning house, running around to pta meetings, shopping for the groceries, making the meals, and everything else that goes on with taking care of a family, has absolutely no clue the amount of work all that can be. and, no, a weekend of it isn't even a clue. i agree with dr. phil - a woman who stays at home with the kids is working twice as hard as most men in their office jobs.

the only thing that surprised me about georgia is that there's apparently very little to no waiting time. in cali, there's a 6 month waiting period after the paperwork's been signed for the divorce to be final.

at any rate, i think my brother is in for a big surprise if she follows through with it. he'll be divorced, paying child support and alimony, with half their property and money gone to her, and he'll have no idea what hit him. it's sad. he probably could have saved the marriage with a little respect, a lot of talking and being open, and a lot less of the shenanigans he's pulled recently. mjay doesn't strike me as a demanding woman, at least no more demanding than any other woman. all we usually want is respect, honesty and openness, and to be valued. it would be a pretty hard sell to tell me that a man who doesn't give those things to the woman he claims to love really loves her.

what's even sadder is that my brother strikes me as one of those men who actually needs to get clobbered in some way (not physically) before any kind of change happens. as my husband could tell anyone, it's better to choose to change than to realize you're losing or have lost everything you care about first. i just hope the change we see isn't mcat becoming angry and bitter and even more entrenched in his ways. all we can do is wait and see how things will go, and brace for whatever fallout may come. and, yes, i'm sure we'll be brought up as one of the issues. but, seriously? unlikely. the two of them need to face their real problems and stop scattering them across a whole bunch of other things. granted, i'm not on the inside and neither of them talk to me about all this, but it really seems to me that the biggest problem is the lack of open and honest communication, especially when it comes to finances.

speaking of finances . . . .

things have finally moved forward on the subbing front. i called again yesterday to find out the status of my app and they still had "transcripts needed." i told her i had sent replacements 2 weeks ago and she had me hold on while she went and pulled my file. she looked through it and realized i had a photocopy of my b.a. in there and told me, "oh, we don't need your transcripts." while i am a bit frustrated that it took them over a month to realize that the b.a. was in there and that they could have sent my file to the director earlier, at least we're not still waiting on transcripts which apparently still haven't been put in the file. as soon as i have extra money, i'm ordering new copies of all my transcripts for me and next time someone from the county needs them, i'm walking those suckers in. yeesh.

anyway, the file is on its way to the director for approval. even if the file made it to the director yesterday (and i'm not holding my breath on that - the main district office has already proven to be more than a little incompetent), it will be at least a week before i hear anything. but we got forward motion and hopefully i'll hear soon that i've been hired. i have some teaching experience - as a tutor, as part of a summer prep program for incoming college freshmen, and online; i've worked with kids; i have a degree and graduated with honors. i think they'd have to come up with a pretty damn good reason not to hire me, all things considered.

all of which means, the transcript thing is resolved and we're finally moving forward. let's hope the process towards employment moves a little more smoothly now and soon i'll be working - which should resolve a whole lot of financial issues.

and it's about time for that!


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serving to supply a final answer, solution, or evaluation and to end an unsettled unresolved condition; fixed and unalterable in opinion or judgment; most authoritative, reliable, and complete usually with the implication of final and perfected completeness or precision -- used of research, scholarship, or criticism especially of a biographical or historical study or of a text or edition of a literary work or author; serving to define or specify precisely; distinguishing; exact, express, and clearly defined; real, actual, and positive; definite; complete; fully developed; final; issued as a regular stamp for the country or territory in which it is to be used

 
 

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