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tuesday, april 27, 2004

. ? 100 Things # .

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after much thought, we've decided to have kitten go ahead and move in with dad. i don't particularly like the idea, i have my concerns about how well he'll take care of her considering his lack of financial control and current financial circumstances, but she has decided to stay in cali and will be living with him eventually. a few extra months won't make a big difference one way or the other when it comes to that. what it will do is limit the confusion when we move, provide space for all the freaking boxes we seem to be collecting, and allow me to spend the last few months with my daughter without being the disciplinarian. it also kinda let's me get used to her not being around in a more gradual way.

however, it also means we're going to have to buckle up a little tighter to get the money we need back on the credit card. once she's in with dad, he no longer needs to give us her child support. it's going to be a real tough 2 months, i think. particularly since we still have a number of other things we need to pick up for the trip and are probably looking at needing more boxes before we're done packing.

and i am very concerned about him taking care of her. unfortunately dad is pretty much a big, undisciplined kid himself, not a parent. which is not to say he doesn't have limits, he just tends to reinforce them only when he's irritated. i understand where this comes from, but that doesn't change the fact that he tends to be a push over as a parent, tends to be fairly self-involved, and has a difficult time setting aside his wants for anyone - kids or bills. i know he's going to read this, and i know he's going to be unhappy with it, but i think he also knows it's the truth. his son says, "dad." over and over and over and he still needs someone else to tell him his son wants him. he goes to wal-mart to get "gas money" and buys anywhere from 2 to 5 dvd's to do so. he eats out frequently, buys 2 - 4 new books a month, and never balances his checkbook. and he wonders why he's always overdrawn and can't pay his bills?

fortunately, despite needing everything under the sun for her dance classes and career (and may she finally get into a dance studio now that she's with dad! not holding my breath though), i think i did okay with kitten. i mean, there's the usual teenager over reacting, pms, and drama that goes with having a girl, but she also pretty much has her head on straight. i just hope dad finally steps up to the plate so she doesn't feel like she has to take care of him. i was forced to take care of my mother for awhile and no teenager should have to do that with a perfectly healthy parent.

hear that dad? YOU take care of HER, not the other way around.

it's been a couple of years since i asked for a raise in the child support too. with everything that's going on, i would like to do that now, but know it's not at all feasible. he's just too strapped at the moment. asking that the $150 per kid go up to $200 per kid, as much as it would keep his child support payments the same because of her moving out, would probably just stretch him too thin because of her moving in with him. maybe i'll do that i january. i've tried not to ask for much and to keep lawyers out of it, and never did ask for alimony, but i also don't ask for a raise every year and probably should. i want this to continue to be amicable, so i try to keep his situation in mind. but things are getting very strapped very quickly and i just don't know how we're going to come up with everything we need before the move. then after the move our rent will go up because we'll be out of hud housing, and, while there are jobs out there, we don;t know how long it will take to find one that will help us get out of our own hole.

i really do keep trying to think good thoughts about this move. really.

anyway, so oldest will move out in the next few weeks. we'll be using her room to store our packed boxes and what little furniture that is going with us and isn't in use. hopefully this will helps us see better what still can be packed before the move date. right now boxes are kinda piled everywhere and i think that makes it hard to see what we still can pack. everything feels so buried.

on another small note, the 2 older girls appear to be acting out about the whole moving thing. i just signed 4 of kitten's grade reports (out of 7 or 8) and she didn't have a single grade above a c. meanwhile, today we got a call from jewel's school because she cut a class and hung out in the bathroom. jewel is also giving us some serious attitude problems. i've spoken to her about this, and talked a bit more about the move, and told her she can come talk to me when she needs to. not sure how much it will help, but at least it's out there now. i need to have the same talk with kitten.

as i said, i really do keep trying to think good thoughts about this move. honest. now i just have to help them do the same.

site of the moment:

ring/clique/fl of the moment:
mark my place
word of the moment: cozen

to deceive by artful wheedling or tricky dishonesty, cheat, defraud; to beguile craftily or victimize by chicanery; delude, deceive; to bring about, induce, or obtain by artful wheedling or tricky dishonesty intransitive verb; to act with artful deceit; chisel


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