i've been restless and unmotivated lately and i'm really not sure why. maybe i just need to get out more.

see, for the most part, i'm pretty housebound. we don't have a car to go anywhere, and if we did we don't have the money. i don't have too many friends in the area - who wants them around here? gang bangers and the like aren't the kind of people i really want to hang out with. the friends i had in high school, well, you know how that is, people move, people drift. i have a few gamer friends, but they've all been scarce lately.

i remember the days in high school when i was pretty social. heck, i remember college when i was pretty social. now days, though, most of my social stuff comes online. this works, in a way, since i stay home and pretty much write most days, most of the day. writing is my job (wanna be job?), so i pretty much try to treat it that way. i generally mix this with doing web things so i don't get too bored, but there are times when the whole web/writing things just don't interest me. i try to use those moments to go read or go crit, but there are moments that doesn't help. i get restless and none of the activities that usually keep me quite happily satisfied will do.

thing is, i have no idea what it is i really want to do. so, i surf, i wander, i try to read, i play on the ps2. most of these things i quit doing pretty quickly. sometimes, if i'm lucky, i can push through the restlessness and go back to contentedly working on my writing and web work. sometimes i can't. sometimes i just have to wait it out.

today i'm pushing through it. slowly. the web projects i'm interspersing crits between aren't mine, which is actually helpful. i can get things done for the people i care about without staring at my same old, tired pages and graphics over and over.

but i'd really rather be somewhere else, doing something else.

where and what, i don't know.