i've been restless and unmotivated lately and i'm really not sure why. maybe i just need to get out more.
see, for the most part, i'm pretty housebound. we don't have a car to go anywhere, and if we did we don't have the money. i don't have too many friends in the area - who wants them around here? gang bangers and the like aren't the kind of people i really want to hang out with. the friends i had in high school, well, you know how that is, people move, people drift. i have a few gamer friends, but they've all been scarce lately.
i remember the days in high school when i was pretty social. heck, i remember college when i was pretty social. now days, though, most of my social stuff comes online. this works, in a way, since i stay home and pretty much write most days, most of the day. writing is my job (wanna be job?), so i pretty much try to treat it that way. i generally mix this with doing web things so i don't get too bored, but there are times when the whole web/writing things just don't interest me. i try to use those moments to go read or go crit, but there are moments that doesn't help. i get restless and none of the activities that usually keep me quite happily satisfied will do.
thing is, i have no idea what it is i really want to do. so, i surf, i wander, i try to read, i play on the ps2. most of these things i quit doing pretty quickly. sometimes, if i'm lucky, i can push through the restlessness and go back to contentedly working on my writing and web work. sometimes i can't. sometimes i just have to wait it out.
today i'm pushing through it. slowly. the web projects i'm interspersing crits between aren't mine, which is actually helpful. i can get things done for the people i care about without staring at my same old, tired pages and graphics over and over.
but i'd really rather be somewhere else, doing something else.
radiating rays or reflecting beams of light; vividly bright and shining, glowing; marked by or expressive of love, confidence, or happiness; emitted or transmitted by radiation; emitting or relating to radiant heat