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tuesday, april 8, 2003

it's amazing how quickly i adjusted to saxy being out of the house. i get used to the kids being out of the house pretty quickly when they are in school, but i also haven't had a child home every day for quite some time now. saxy's been home every day for two years. i was used to spending all that time with him when i wasn't in classes.

saxy's home on spring break now and i'm ready for him to go back to work.

when no one is home i can play my loud music and do the one thing i want to do: write. i can focus on my work. i want to get published, to get published i need to write. lots. currently i have 7 short stories in various states of revision (plus 2 i'm still letting percolate) plus the novel and several poems. all destined for publication. i hope. but i work best uninterrupted.

when the kids and husband are home interruptions are the facts of life. every 10 or 15 minutes someone has to come and say something to me. now, i know a lot of people would suggest moving my computer elsewhere, to some place private, but it doesn't work that way here. first of all, there's no place to move it to. second, i like the sense of being with people even when we're not talking. third, as any mother will tell you, being off on your own is no guarantee of privacy. hell, mothers can't even get privacy in a bathroom, for crying out loud. in my experience, the two times mothers are most needed by some kid is when they are in the bathroom or when they are the phone.

when i'm writing comes close.

i don't write well with the tv on. i get distracted. i usually put on headphones and play music that way, but then i get tapped on the shoulder a lot so it's almost pointless to do that. when saxy is home, the tv is on all day. the man was raised on tv and movies and just does not know how to entertain himself any other way. reading puts him to sleep and he has no other known hobbies except going out to the movies and we can't afford for him to spend 8 hours a day going out to movies. and when the man's sick, his need for affectionate skyrockets through the roof.

he's not only home, but started off the weekend sick.

one of the advantages of saxy's job is the amount of vacations and time off. he works for a school for those with disabilities and behavioral problems. because it's a school, he gets school like vacations, with the exception of summer. summer he works "half time" (which actually translates to 3/4 of his usual 10+ hour days for us, actually). once he's off probation, he'll actually get paid for those vacations too.

saxy is on spring break. saxy is about as needy for my attention right now as a child outside the bathroom door. the tv is on all day again. and i'm already getting next to no work done. i had a story i wanted to work on yesterday that i never got to. it's still in my head, but i really do prefer being able to work on things when i am inspired to.

and it's not that i didn't miss him. i did. i've been used to having him nearby for two years now, how could i not miss him. i just want to be able to get my work done, my writing. he supports my writing on the one hand, interrupts it frequently on the other. i wish i could give him attention and write at the same time, but i'm just not quite capable of that. i lose the thread of the conversation when focused on something else while we talk and he gets real frustrated.

but when he goes upstairs to lay down, because he's bored and wants to stay out of my hair, i always feel bad. he's a grown man and it's not his fault he's on vacation. he shouldn't be forced to stay in his room like some kid on restriction. he doesn't go up and read, he lays down. he sleeps.

i swear that man needs a hobby. other than tv and movies.

oh, yea, he has one: interrupting me.

site of the moment:
sakura kingdom

ring/clique of the moment:
word of the moment: compel

to drive or urge forcefully or irresistibly; to cause to do or occur by overwhelming pressure


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